Do I have to talk to the police?

[Anonymous]

I rang women’s aid on (detail removed by Moderator) my IDVA has referred us to MARAC and social services put us in a hotel. The police are coming to talk to me later. He has been physically violent on (detail removed by Moderator) occasions which I have shared photos of with the IDVA.

I do not want him behind bars, I don’t want my girls to see him in behind bars. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t feel safe going back and living with him especially now that there are agencies involved.

Do I have to give a statement? If I don’t will that mean social services would take the kids away? Would the police arrest him anyway?

[overcomer03]

If you have given them evidence that he is abusive i.e pictures then i would not think of going back to hi. If you went back social services would have to complete an assessment and if there was serious abuse and you went back you are potentially looking at the case potentially being a child protection one. its not that easy for social services to take children away but if you knowingly go back to an abusive relationship it would be considered as abusive as you would be exposing your children to emotional abuse.

Please do give a statement you will need it for later. I know you feel confused right now but its a lot to take in now and sometimes it can all feel too much if there are sudden changes and social services become involved. I would say work with social services and let them support you to start over, i promise you you wont regret it. No matter what he says please DONT GO BACK, he may be nice the first few days when you come back but after some months his true colors will show again and this time it will be much harder for you to leave. Whatever you do dont go back.

Stay on this forum you will get a lot of strength especially on days that you feel overwhelmed. You will get through this xx

[Watersprite]

Hi well done for getting out and working with services to keep you safe. At MARAC they will discuss your case with all agencies and how to keep you safe. I agree with overcome don’t go back this is your chance no matter how much you miss him that will pass. And now services are involved if you go back it will surely be worse with him? Remember the pain he has given you – you and your family can have a good life free from abuse and in leaving you have shown your children so powerfully right from wrong. Well done it’s a hard journey but you can do this! Social services and IDVA were amazing with us police were mixed. Not sure if you have spoken to them? I did but refused to give a statement for a long time but in the end I had no option and did. If police have the evidence eg photos witnesses phones they can run it without you. If they don’t I can’t see how they can. That said they are there to call upon if you are unsafe and just now safety is your no 1 priority that and looking after yourself and your family. It gets better – keep going and take care xx

[Anonymous]

Thanks all. I am going to speak with police (detail removed by Moderator). My eldest actually spent the (detail removed by Moderator) night at home with him as she wanted to and we have been amicable about it. It is possible and I just want to be able to do that without services involved as that will add to the issue. As a child he grew up in an abusive environment so he is highly suspicious of the services. The reason I rang WA was to work with them to get a longer term safety plan together and not for it all to be rushed and I am annoyed that they have spoken to social services and the police anyway. It has betrayed my trust and I wasn’t aware that this could happen.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, once the police are mentioned it is anxiety inducing… let the police do their job and let them decide if your ex is breaking the Law and if he is it is good for him to be held accountable for his behaviour.
My ex had a traumatic upbringing, he used it as excuses for his abusive behaviours… when it came to separate he refused..it took a few attempts and eventually we separated… I felt guilty, mean and worried for him back then as he was feeding my worries by saying he was suicidal,I was ripping our family apart, I have everything and he has nothing… oh my the list went on and on..

Do give a statement if you can, it helps if needed in the future as well.
I advise absolutely not go back as he will be angry that you left, involved agencies and he will not change.. it makes no difference how nice you are to him as this isn’t on you, it is all about him and his needs.

Whatever you decide I hope today is as OK as can be
HFH ❤️

[Author]

Posts