Do I stay or go?

[Confused-and-alone]

So bit of background first – I sort of became aware that my husband was controlling and emotionally abusive (detail removed by Moderator) – we moved house and started a new business and his behaviour really escalated – always telling my I’m stupid useless etc. I tried to leave (detail removed by Moderator) but he talked me round saying he would change. Obviously he didn’t. But things have calmed down a little but I don’t think I really love him anymore too much has happened. I said I would go after (detail removed by Moderator) – not to him just to the few friends I have told – but I don’t know if I can do it. Should I just accept that this is how things are? I was relatively happy before I realised it was abuse when I just thought this is how relationships are – ups and downs. If I just stop talking to people about how unhappy I am and try and concentrate on the good times then maybe I could go back to being happy and just managing his behavior. To complicate things I had an affair after the last time I tried to leave – totally fell for the guy then when it came to it – his wife found out about our ‘friendship’ he chose to stay with her and dropped me. My husband doesn’t know about this but does suspect. We have a big family holiday coming up and if I leave the kids won’t get to go and will be devastated. Should I just make the best of my lot in life? I feel like I’m alienating friends because all I do is complain about him but don’t ever actually leave. Each incident on its own never seems enough for me to finally say I’m through. I just feel so lost.

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