Do I stop contact completely?

[Mermaidtears]

Sorry for the long post but here goes.

I’ve had to stop my child from being with her dad unsupervised because there are safeguarding concerns due to her being left on her own at home and the park, and other personal care issues, she’s very young.

(detail removed by Moderator) years of abuse, I finally stood up to him and he’s been sending me abusive and threatening msgs since. I was told to block him and get a non mol in place. My partner has been acting as 3rd party to discuss supervised contact and phone calls. Ex has refused the contact, said he’ll only have contact if it’s unsupervised, this isn’t an option.

Ex has since been sending threatening and abusive msgs to my partner directly towards him and indirectly towards me. My question is, if he’s refusing contact, being abusive etc, has told me he’s taking me to court, do we just block him completely until we go to court? Or will I be in trouble for doing that? I’ve tried to keep contact as much as possible and am reluctant to block completely incase he changes his mind, but don’t want to live my life worried about what msgs will be sent to us.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, I was in a similar situation (safeguarding concerns) and as our children live with me and were under 16 I made the decision to stop contact with their father and all contact due to safeguarding concerns with their father. I didn’t get in trouble as there wasn’t a.visitation order in place.

If you haven’t got a court order in place stating his child contact then yes you can stop contact. Are you forwarding all messages which threaten to the police?

HFH ❤️

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Mermaidtears

Sorry to hear that you are still going through the issues with your ex, but it is completely normal for this to be the case with an abuser.

It’s clear that you don’t trust your ex to have contact with your children, so safeguarding is the priority here, and what you said:

’ve had to stop my child from being with her dad unsupervised because there are safeguarding concerns due to her being left on her own at home and the park, and other personal care issues, she’s very young.

…is what you need to stick to. Incidents need to be clearly documented, the behaviour, on what date/time, whether there were witnesses, or any reports to police. List your incidents and keep them.

Other than that, there is absolutely no reason to allow him any contact with you whatsoever. You could let him know that you will not be communicating further and I personally, would not involve a new partner in this with your ex, I would assume it would be a flash point for them both. Take back control of the communication from your partner, and deliver the message to your ex that due to his behaviour and communications overstepping boundaries, they must cease, and that further communication will be considered as harrassment. You could give him a number of another phone to send written messages to if you wanted, a phone that you could pick up when you feel ready to deal with him, if, you want to instigate some kind of contact, but if you don’t, and it sounds like you feel that is too risky, then block him on everything.

If you fear that blocking him will cause some escalation by him, then inform the police of your actions/reasons so that they are aware in advance of any potential increased risks to you at your address. If he turns up you don’t need to answer the door, but call the police instead.

Trust your instincts for the protection of you and your child.

Warmest wishes

ts

[Lisa]

Hi Mermaidtears,

If you wanted to access some formal legal advice to help you understand your options here, you could contact Rights of Women or Coram’s Child Law Advice service. Both have free helplines as well as a lot of information available on their websites.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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