Do you also dread every day

[moonstone]

Hi, I am new on here. I have been in an abusive relationship for (detail removed by Moderator) now and am only just gathering my strength to seek help. I visited a women’s centre recently and they were very helpful in telling me that yes, it is domestic abuse and no, i am not imagining things.

My ‘partner’ is out at work and I am currently unemployed,for a few reasons, I quit my job. Every day i sit here dreading him coming home from work.

I have no money, no support, no love. But I am slowly working my way back to health and moving out hopefully.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Moonstone (love the name by the way!)

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you have been experiencing abuse for (detail removed by Moderator), well done for recognising it and taking steps to get to safety. It’s so hard being out of work, I am looking for work myself. That’s great the women’s centre were able to help you. Did they help you put a plan in place to leave? If not you could start working on this now in secret. There are options such as council priority housing, refuge or private rent if you do secure work, or temporarily moving in with friends and family.

There is also help to find work, or help to access the right benefits depending on your sitation. Libraries can be good for this sort thing, and the job centre number, and CAB. My city has a website with all the support listed for all sorts of things so see if your location has something similar. Help is out there and you can get away to a better life. Stay strong, keep going, keep posting.

[KIP.]

Hi and welcome, I remember dreading the car door closing and the sound of the key in the front door. Not knowing what to expect. Walking on eggshells. It doesn’t have to be that way. The levels of anxiety were off the scale. Life can be so much better. I now own my home. Peaceful and I can feel safe. You can also ring the helpline number on here x

[unhappyagain]

I don’t like most days moonstone like you but I am hoping it is better when I get out of the situation. So what Kip has said gives me hope, I hope you feel like that too.

All you can do is take one step at a time I think. I’ve been seeing a counsellor and she helps so much. It’s all about planning she says so we make plans and I achieve them. Not massive plans just small steps. I feel she has made me recognise there are people I can rely on and she has made me build stronger ties with them as they care about me. Most days are good now. It’s just the days he abuses me that I feel down.

You know what moonstone we can do this. You will get a job or retrain like I did. It took me (detail removed by Moderator) years but I achieved my goal last year.

What work would you like to do as a job?

[Serenity]

Hi Moonstone,

Welcome.

You’ve been given some great advice already. I just wanted to add my support and to tell you that, however much you’ve been broken down and been made dependent, you can escape and not just be a survivor, but you can thrive again after abuse. This is your life, and you are inherently valuable. Your worth doesn’t depend upon him. There is help out there, and I’m glad to hear that you’re making moves to access it.

There is freedom on the other side of abuse. It’s a complex and sometimes difficult journey, but it involves going in the right direction, which is the important thing. You may not believe it now, but one day in the future you can feel strength, happiness and peace again. I never thought I could. I thought I was destroyed for good. Despite difficulties at times, I am carried through by having been able to slowly rediscover my own strength by being away from him.

Big hugs x

[iwillbeok]

Hi Moonstone,

I also wanted to add my support and agree with the ladies above. I could not have said it any better than Serenity. Absolutely spot on.

I too would dread coming home each evening – I would have to take a deep breath before openingthe front door as I had no idea what atmosphere would greet me. Weekends were the pits – 2 whole days with him, his moods, snide remarks and expectations…

I have been free of him for a short time and now I love being home. I no longer dread approaching tthe front door – I even snile as I enter knowing he’s no longer here. I am slowly losong the guilt that often comes after that smile. I deseve to be happy and be able to live in peace.

We all do.

x

[moonstone]

Thank you all so much for your replies. Each reply means so much to me.
The other day I attended my local Freedom Programme but unfortunately it is near it’s conclusion. The majority of the ladies in the group have already escaped domestic violence, you could see the difference between them and the few who are still in it. I am so ill now (mostly emotionally and mentally) my nerves are shattered. There is no point me going back because the penny is not going to drop for me in one or two more sessions. And I don’t have the energy to go back either. I think I have gotten to the stage where I need more than a group environment. I need to sit with someone patient who can help me.

[iwillbeok]

Can you get to a drop in session with local WA, Moonstone? I had one particular session with a lady who I swear was sent from heaven. She let me just talk and talk it all out..

I have upcoming one on one counselling for the sexual assault/rape/coersive control – not sure how that is going to go as although I dont let my mind shy away from it too much, I know I haven’t properly dealt with it either…

I also phoned samaritans a few times in the earyly days…

I hope you find the support that suits you Moonstone xx

[she-ra]

Yes moonstone like you I dead every day. Just like the other ladies have said, it’s so sad, I too have much trepidation about what awaits me when I get home, the atmosphere, the mood, the list of things I have done wrong despite the fact I haven’t been there for the last 12 hours! The name calling started today as soon as I was through the front door, the moaning about my job and the hours I do, the berating for my inability to cook the right things and the ‘expectations’ of the evening. I could cry. I just pray he falls asleep before I do, maybe someone will smile down on me today and give me a break. Well done for seeking help, that is so brave and well done you, I hope your days get better soon x*x

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