Do you ever wonder why?

[Justlost]

I flee’d with my children (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago (detail removed by Moderator) following an incident. I’m trying to process it all. Rattling about amongst the thoughts and the abuse are the loving times, the kindness and it makes it so confusing in my head to understand why things went like this. Did I cause this. Was it because I was needy. Was it because I was miserable. Was it because I was just broken before anyway. I can’t help remember the good qualities and feel sad that the man I was with for many years made me feel alive and see living was worthwhile then I can’t help but wonder if I drove him to this

[ILoveCats]

I feel like a hypocrite as I haven’t escaped yet and still go back and forth in my head, but from an outside perspective it seems that your abuser targeted your weakness and used that to control you. They find people who are vulnerable and pretend they care about them, make themselves out to be the knight in shining armour, they play the long game to have a person they can dominate. It doesn’t work to be horrible all the time or to go to the extreme, they use the Jekyll and Hyde method to maximise the effect, it’s so sly.

It’s not your fault to feel that way though, it’s part of the grieving process, it’s so hard to believe that another human being would intentionally be cruel and pretend to be nice, that they would put so much thought and energy into playing this sick game just for kicks rather than be a genuine person. I keep doubting myself but I know that’s the way he wants it, I have seen under the mask so many times but I need to remind myself often.

I hope you and your children are safe and well, you have done yourself and them a massive service by getting out, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now xx

[nbumblebee]

Oh wow I feel this too each and every day. Is it because i was broken way b4 i met him did i do this? Do i do this?
You are not alone in feeling like this. We can drive ourselves crazy by asking these questions sadly we wont ever know the answer I think they do it because they can.
Im glad you are out and I hope now you can finally start to heal.
Take care x*x

[Texas]

Hi

The why is that these abusers have a choice and they choose to treat you this way. There is nothing you could ever do to deserve this treatment. As I mentioned in another post, babies don’t have to earn respect and the right to be treated with dignity so why should anyone else?

So this is not your fault, it’s the abusers.

[Happybelle]

I’ve spent an awful lot of time wondering why. Why me, did he pick me because I’m kind and thoughtful or was it some other reason.
Over time I have remembered not to bother with the why. Does it matter why – if they are being vile then they are being vile. He could tell you anything for the reason but would you believe it anyway? Try and let go of the why 🙂 really helped me x

[Bananaboat]

Ironically the answer why us, is actually the opposite. It’s because we’re strong, we are empathetic, we allow more than others, believe & trust more than others and our boundaries are weaker than others. Good traits. But abused by these people, because those without our traits kick them to the kerb. So heads high ladies, I know you’re downtrodden & living in hell but you’re giving him love which no one else will (until his next supply) and you are NOT to blame for his incapacity to accept & grow with it, instead they destroy us. They’re cuckoos in a blue t**s nest

[Texas]

Well said @bananaboat 😀

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