Do you have a child with him?

[InShock]

Please can you share your experience? How are you coping?

[InShock]

I gave birth and things immediately escalated which is how I recognised I was being abused by ex-husband. Had to run for mine and baby’s safety. I’m still in shock.

He is on the birth certificate.

I’m so nervous for the future and would like to hear your experiences.

Plus, what do you tell your kids about their abusive biological father? The thought of not being able to speak honestly with my child is so very uncomfortable to me. I want us to have a close and healthy bond.

[InShock]

I hate him for what he’s done to me and the fresh trauma that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life :’(

I’m so scared that my child won’t understand what I went through or will make similar mistake to me in who chooses to marry, and abuse/trauma will perpetuate through generations. My heart is broken as I waited so long to get married and have children; I thought I was starting a family and this happened to me.

[Cat24]

I never put him on the birth certificate . I just knew he wouldn’t change. He tried to use my child as an excuse to get to me and spy on my life. So I cut contact years ago. My son doesn’t know who he is and does not engage with his family , as family will side with their own and you can’t trust them. And it’s fantastic. We have zero issues . He stopped paying chm as soon as I cut contact because he was using it as coercive control I.e if I didn’t conform to his rules and stay single and only talk to him he wouldn’t pay maintenence and due to all the loop holes in chm rules he would get away it it. In the end I stopped relying on it and yeh it’s been a long time and my son has no negative influences and is safe. There arnt enough laws in place to keep children and their mothers safe from further abuse and it’s wrong.

[InShock]

Cat24 thanks for sharing. I’m glad it worked out for you. Lucky he’s not on the birth certificate in your case. I would love to go on holiday with the little one but he is relishing the fact I’m tied down here due to the laws around consent.
I don’t understand how it is acknowledged that a child witnessing domestic abuse is also a victim of abuse, yet contact is still encouraged with an abusive parent. It makes me feel ill.

[Cat24]

Hi

Are you able to apply to the court to gain consent under a specific issue order ? You may be able to also tell them what hes doing so you dont have to keep going every holiday. I know it’s awful. When the fathers rights laws were implemented they seemed to completely ignore abusive ones and so it’s given them more leverage to further abuse. They should not have a say in schools , holidays etc and have only contact through a centre under supervision as mothers who have children removed for the same do not get these rights but fathers do. It’s all backward .

 

 

 

[Lisa]

Hi InShock,

You might find the information from Coram on their Child Law Advice website about Travel and Relocation helpful here. You can also contact them through either webchat or phone.

Best wishes,
Lisa

[Cat24]

Ah I see. Yeh I wouldn’t initiate anything in that context.  I’d contact the link to the advice line as it sounds bit more complex. But yeh mention the order and the holiday issue. And apply for the child’s passport ASAP so you have it too. That is another one that causes issues. I used to work in many sectors in regards to this stuff so that one I saw a lot causing serious problems.

I’m hoping in future the laws start to change with PR and an unsafe parent as its diabolical at the moment.

I wish you luck and I hope you both manage to go on your holiday together ❤️

 

[Author]

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