Does anyone else still over think things years after?

[Living Warrior]

I have been told numerous times that I’m over thinking situations in my relationship even after being out of my abusive one for years, I don’t have contact with ex but we have kids together and he taking me to court for contact, I get triggered constantly by the court dates, solicitor calls etc. I try my best to forget and move on but I’m terrified.
I don’t realise that I’m being distant or snappy.

I have million thought go through my head, I struggle to trust ppl, and even though I know that my new partner wud never hurt me and I can trust him whole heartedly, I have moments when I doubt my own instincts… we have been together for (detail removed by moderator)… surely I shouldn’t still be doubting myself and him.

My closest friend who understands tells me it’s ok, that I just have to remind myself I’m not with my ex.. and be honest with my partner, but I feel like everytime I’m honest it breaks a part of my new partner… and I don’t know what to do anymore.
Does anyone else suffer like this?

[nbumblebee]

So I cant comment about getting away part as im still here with my husband but I can see how you are feeling. I was treated badly as a child and again as an adult it has left me with huge trust issues and now obv i have problems with an a******e husband. Even though I know now that I am safe feom those who hurt me as a child and young adult I still get triggered at times when im reminded of an incident. It can be a smell, music I could see something on tv or even in the shops I dont trust anyone not even myself. I feel uncomforatble around people and get terribly anxious.
My counsellor says its a usual reaction to trama and it will ease and that you will learn to live along side it. Maybe there will always be triggers but whats important is to remind yourself that you are safe, that you did get out YOU SURVIVED. Theres no time limit on trauma i guess and it doesnt matter how long youve been free for it can still hurt.
Sorry im not much help, just wanted to reach out, let you know for what its worth I think you are amazing and what you are feeling to me seems perfectly normal. Hugs x

[Daff]

Hi not sure I’ve been out as long as you, but I can be having a good day then I receive a solicitor letter and I’m taken back to everything. I can’t think what the method is called but I look for 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear and 3 things I can touch. It grounds me, reminds that I am safe. I hope you feel better soon

[KIP.]

It’s all triggers and trauma. Have you had counselling? I can’t recommend it enough if you get a good therapist. Mindfulness I found really good and if you practice it you can calm and distract yourself when needed. Anything to do with the abuse takes me back and triggers my amygdala, the part of the brain that controls fear. It thinks you’re still with your abuser and in danger so feeling safe is what you need to work on too x

[Tiredone]

This happened a lot when I started a new relationship after leaving my abusive ex. I didn’t realise it at the time but I had PTSD and was dealing with a lot of trauma. My partner, a super patient and kind man, had to put up with a lot and was also really hurt that I would accuse him of behaviour that my ex did. He hated that I was scared of him for so long BUT we persisted, I got therapy (still going years later), and we’re doing great.

You will still have moments when you’re pulled back in it and it feels like it’s still happening but the gaps between this moments will increase. Soon it won’t consume you like it is now. I used to get triggered by EVERYTHING but now it’s every couple of m o. N t h s not every couple of m I n u t e s.

You will be OK! If I can then you definitely can.

[Living Warrior]

Thank you so much x*x

[Damagedforever]

I do! (detail removed by moderator) later! It’s horrible. I want to get rid of these feelings, I overthink everything and anything about what I’m doing or saying. I hope now I’m trying to deal with it finally it will subside x

[Wants To Help]

Yes, almost two decades later I still do things now that are a result of my abusive relationship and I don’t think I’ll ever get out of that habit. It surprised me how something that was put upon me for only a short period of my life has actually made a lifelong difference. I’ve had numerous sessions of counselling, some helped, some didn’t. I’ve got mild PTSD and I do get triggered once in a while, but not enough to set me back much. I’ve become very set in my ways in some aspects of my life which I choose to absolutely not budge on at all in order to protect myself and prevent no one else ever being able to financially ruin me again. Some of this is to my own detriment, but so be it. Surviving an abusive relationship does leave scars that run deep, I don’t believe they ever truly heal.

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