Does it ever get better?

[Alwaystired]

I’m new here so any support would be appreciated please 🙏
I’m a few months out of my relationship now but I feel worse than ever. Days are passing and I feel like I’m in a daze, caught between missing him and being terrified that he may eventually do something now that I’ve reported him. I currently live with family but get very little support from them, they don’t seem to understand and feel this is something I should just be able to get over so it’s been really difficult going back. I feel like every day I just get up and do what I need to do like a robot stuck on repeat, because of this, people don’t realise how much I’m struggling. It always feels like the police investigation is hanging over me, like I’m waiting for the next update but equally scared of what that update will be. I’m waiting for a place in refuge to try and get some space to clear my head but the idea of starting again terrifies me, especially when I know that no one will understand my need to go.

If anyone has any experience of going to a refuge, what to expect and general rules I’d appreciate it to try and relieve some of my anxiety. At what point does this feeling ever get better? I attend counselling, I go to work, I try to use any support I have but still this feels impossible.

[Lisa]

Hi Alwaystired,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. This is still going to be feeling really raw for you at the moment and it sounds like you have a lot to process- with the police investigation and what you have been through.

You know what you have experienced and some people may not understand the dynamics of domestic abuse and understanding that can feel isolating. with refuge accommodation you usually need to be a safe distance away from the perpetrator so not in same local area as him and you won’t be able to disclose the location to any friends/family. every refuge will have their individual assessment they will need to go through with you. You will be supported by refuge support workers during your stay.

I would encourage you to link in with your local domestic abuse service. They should be able to support you ongoing with your situation.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Healingspirit]

You should be really proud of yourself for getting out. I’m sorry that your family don’t seem to understand. What you’re feeling is completely valid, be kind to yourself.

[Alwaystired]

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. I have contact with my local service but I’m not sure how often I should have contact with my IDVA as it started off so frequent but now not so much, is this common?
It feels like every day is so difficult at the moment, I miss him so much and often have thoughts about going back but equally I’m so scared of him. How is it possible to feel both? I think the bail conditions are as much for me as they are him at the moment, they stop me from making that contact as I don’t want him getting into more trouble.

Every day I feel guilty for reporting him and worry that eventually he will punish me for this, maybe not now but further down the line when everyone else will think this is in the past.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with those days where the missing him is so intense? At the moment I just have to re traumatise myself by looking back through old messages etc to remind myself of what he was really like.

[Author]

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