Don’t feel strong enough anymore

[Violas]

I feel like I’m in a never ending nightmare. I can’t cut ties with my abuser as we have a child together.

I feel so depressed and I’m struggling to pull myself out of it. My friends and family are supportive but I just don’t feel like they can ever really understand what I’m dealing with – I feel very alone. I don’t really know how to cope anymore.

[fizzylem]

Hey V, I’ve felt like you many times, been seperated for a few years now but have a child and he has continued to control and abuse us both, however, more recently I’m feeling more free of him. Have you got third party only comms, collections and drops offs in place?

Have you got a WA support worker from the local charity? I get my support for this forum, a friend who also went through an abusive relationship and my support worker and that seems to be enough for me – gives me what I need re the abuse, helps me to not feel alone with it and workout what needs to be done. If I’m feeling emotional and that things are getting on top I call the samaritan’s sometimes as well – does help.

Are you clear on his rights, yours and the childs? So you know how to comply ‘adequately’ only with his PR? x

[Violas]

Thank you Fizzylem.

I’m trying to reestablish boundaries with our communication. It’s getting out of hand and he’s being resistant to any changes on this as I believe he wants that direct access to me through texts etc. I’ve held it together for quite a long time but his recent awful behaviour seems to have tipped me over the edge – I just can’t seem to dust myself off like I always have.

I will get in touch with local WA for support. Thank you for the suggestions x

[fizzylem]

Yes its dreadful dealing with him via text, I held on for a long time as I thought this is what my child needs, but they only continue to abuse, make life as diffciult as they can, remove the space for him to do this and he cant do it anymore, anyone who could be the third party for you? If you have a set arrangement in place then he really only needs to contact you for emergencies and changes hey and not a lot else. They end up not contacting as often as it means having to text someone else so its short and to the point only – whereas with direct comms he texts for every little thing hey.

For stuff that cant be done in text, which also rarely happens if your arrangements are in place, I set up an email that I have to log in to online, so he doesnt drop into my inbox whenever he feels like it; I also put a boundary on that saying it is never for emergencies, it is not checked, so if you want me to read an emial please also drop me a text – its FYI only purposes – I hardly get them these days, it’s usually me that has to send him info due to comply with his PR. Also means any comms you o have with him can be evidence if he steps over the line.

It does get better chick, but nly once you let go and cut him off – accept there can be no shared parenting arrangement – you’ve tried hey and can see this would be best for your child – but it needs two parents to make this work and he’s left you no option. You have to lok after you and be the best mum you can be for your child and you simply cant be that mum when dealing with BS. Hang in there and get it how you need it to be xx

[fizzylem]

Had another thought, when we dont feel strong enough it’s usually a sign to take a breather for me, withdraw, recharge and pull in my support x

[PercyPooper]

He there V, I totally understand how you are feeling right now. I feel desperately lonely and deprived of any affection or love. I don’t even feel like anyone can actually see me when I’m at home, just this invisible person that does all the cooking for Christmas and he literally leaves the table like he is in a restaurant, didn’t even say if he liked it or not let alone a thank you. I agree with fizzylem take a step back and look at the picture from a far, you can do this.

[Violas]

I think you’re right Fizzylem – I think this is all a sign that I need to recharge. I feel like I’ve been constantly running on adrenaline for a long time and it’s taken it’s toll.

I have some plans to put into action to put boundaries in place for communication. I think he enjoys having direct access to grind me down (it’s just hard to understand why anyone would behave like this to another person but I don’t think I’ll ever understand it). Thank you.

[Violas]

Percypooper – it’s so hard. It can feel very lonely. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lonely before in my life. It helps to talk here to others

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