Doubting again if I am being abused.

[Stuckinturmoil]

After a week of almost no abuse apart from an incident where I was sworn at over and over again because he broke something. I am starting to wonder if I am being abused. Even though my counsellor tells me I am.

I wonder if I am being too sensitive. I re read my diary i have kept for a few years of all the bad episodes. He shouts at me so loud in my face I am scared and shaking. I constantly feel on eggshells around him waiting for him to kick off about something. He has thrown things at me and once raised his arm like he was going to punch me.

He knows I have made an appointment with a solicitor so I am wondering if he is being a bit better because of this. I don’t know what I am going to do at the solicitors which is causing me more stress. Divorce, formal separation. I got advice a few years ago.

I know I am in a better position than a lot of people as we have our own home but he refuses to move out. I cannot afford to move out somewhere big enough for me to take the children with me in the area I live in as it’s too expensive so I would have to leave them behind as it would be unfair to move them from what they know into a cramped room. So it looks like we will all have to live together until the house is sold as I will leave never my kids behind.

[KIP.]

You are minimising abuse. It’s what we do as a coping mechanism. Imagine a complete stranger coming up to you in the street and shouting and swearing at you. They would be arrested. It’s exactly the same. I doesn’t make it ok because he’s your husband. In many ways it’s so much worse and such an abuse of trust.

[Scared and sad]

Hi stuckinturmoil, you are definitely being abused. It’s so difficult when the abuse is interspersed with periods of calm and perceived “niceness”. Like you I’m still not out of the relationship and haven’t managed to let go. I constantly questioning if I’m being abused. The feeling of constantly walking on eggshells and trying to avoid upsetting my partner is invisible to others and difficult to quantify. but they (our abusers)know what they are doing and this is their goal. Like you I have kept diaries and have to constantly remind myself of all the previous events. You sound like you are making some positive steps. Keep strong.

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