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hi Ladies, i was having a family discussion with mine and my ex boys today and my eldest said that every time he has seen my ex, since we split, he would be so happy and totally beaming every time he talks about his old but new girlfriend, its making me feel like c*** again, he also told my eldest that he treated her horribly because he was young and now hes grown up and changed, may be he has but why did he just walk away with out looking back after i dumped him after over 2 decades together? was it because he still loves her after all these years? is that why he would go straight upstairs to my room when he came to see me? is that why he abused me? cus he was waiting for her, i’m writing this in tears now and feel so low again, i recon now he has got her back he will treat her like he was supposed to have treated me š he must have used me and all his other exes (whom he treated bad) till he found her again š x
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āHe treated her horriblyā. Sheās been abused before by him. Sheās vulnerable and heās simply recycling an old victim. She has more of the same coming. She just hasnāt worked that out yet.
Donāt waste your energy trying to work him out. Just let the boys know you donāt wish to hear what heās doing thanks x
Sounds like heās been an abuser forever. Thereās no way heās changing now. Not for her, not for you, not for anybody x -
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Hi, he is abusive. That is why he was nasty to you. Nothing to do with her. If he’s nasty, he’s nasty.
He’s love bombing her at the moment. He knows he’s hooked her in again so he may genuinely be delighted. It will soon change and she’ll be wanting to get out too; poor lady.
Try to resist the temptation to ask about him and ask your boys not to talk about him.
Stay strong. xx
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he did abuse you. i have spoke to the ex of my ex. she took him back many times like i did until she broke just like i did. she sausi got it worse than her… once an abuser always an abuser. they cant and wont change. its in their DNA i have learnt so much this past week. its helping me recover.
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He abused you because he is an abuser and he enjoys the feeling of power and control he gets by destroying you and seeing you distressed. Itās not personal. If it wasnāt you, it would just be someone else he finds vulnerable. Whether he wanted you or not isnāt the problem or an answer. He needs someone to feed of and you were there for him to do that. Now heās not your problem anymore. Heās feeding his sick mind on some other poor woman and she will get exactly what you got. Exactly what she got years ago. He hasnāt changed and sheās got a big surprise coming. Then he will come crawling back to you to try and recycle you. Meantime just build your own confidence x
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absolutely hes an abuser. and once an abuser always an abuser. i found out his previous ex took him back many times like i did and he hot stronger. she said what hes done to me is 50x worse than what she has been through. they cant and wont change its in their DNA evil horrible freaks of nature
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Hi there WW
“it just makes me wonder if he really did abuse me or whether he was just being nasty cus he never really wanted me x”
If we entertain this idea, he would still be an abuser. If you don’t really want to be with someone, you aren’t nasty to them, you don’t abuse them, you would likely try to end the relationship but you wouldn’t be nasty or abusive about it. All this really proves is that he chose to abuse you, if we assume this to be true.
I think you need to ask all the children to not pass any information to you about him. All it does is cause you distress and bring up these questions. Truthfully, we will never ever know for sure what another person is thinking, so you will never be able to get the answer that you are looking for. All we can do is look at their actions and his actions are that of an abuser’s. His history seems to be a line of ex partners that have been abused and recycled. His actions of refusing to see his son unless YOU take him to a GP (heaven forbid he put in some effort and take the boy himself) is not that of a happy, reasonable, caring father. What’s important now is you, for you to live your life free from him and his abuse and the best way to do that is to stop these stories from being told to you x -
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I’m kind of feeling a similar feeling at the moment. It’s so hard and makes us think what’s wrong with us specifically. It’s hard to think of them with someone else, especially when it’s a person that should be in the past. All these feelings I can relate to. It might not seem it from our perspective when they seem so content with or thinking about someone else but they are still the same awful person. That doesn’t change. He’s still bad even if he’s being ok at the moment to someone else. The fact that he has to even go back is telling, especially to someone he abused before. These people prey on vulnerability. They are dangerous predators. Even if he’s being good now, realistically how long can it be before the same old inevitable patterns reemerge. It’s so painful and makes you feel hopeless I know but there is something defective as no healthy person would inflict such suffering on someone for any reason. They just wouldn’t. They will hide and mask. Sometimes for a good long time. I don’t know the answer myself and it’s just pain, but there’s definitely something amiss when we are sitting in pain and they are not even giving it a thought. Abusers are callous and heartless creatures.
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