Drinking again and Im scared

[BlueberryField]

I am currently in bed with my child and my partner in another room drinking. He caused an argument over nothing again. It was purely the need to pick on me and he found a way. I will not get into the details of the argument. I am sitting now thinking about what stops me from leaving.

Even now I feel on edge, because as usual I did receive threaths again both about me one day being heavily injured or dead. I do everything for this man whatever he asks not because I love him that much, because I don’t anymore. but just to keep peace at home for myself and my child. I did get reassurance from other women on the custody matter and what to do or not do. But I am still scared to leave.
He has gotten into my head with the threats so much that I do believe he is capable. I have witnessed him being physically and verbally abusive to the females in his family and physically abused his friend many times.
He is a psychopath. I am scared to leave because if I didn’t let him see the child (not that he’s bothered to spend time with the kid anyway) he would try to hurt me if he found me or hurt my family if he didn’t. He has been extremely abusive physically to me before, so it means nothing to him to do that again.

Even now he’s in another room drinking and I can already hear him talking to himself. Plus the first thing he said coming through the door with alcohol (detail removed by Moderator). Any time I hear him move my whole body just tenses up. I feel so stuck. No matter how bad I want to leave but being scared always wins.

[Grey Rock]

Hi Blueberry

I only just saw your post. Hoping he drank himself to sleep and that you’re okay.

Please do reach out for help. This is no way to live, and you know that he’s not going to change.

I know leaving is really scary and not easy, but you deserve to live safely and in peace.

GR x*x

[BlueberryField]

Hi Grey Rock,
Thankfully, he didn’t drink that much and by the time he came back to bed he had calmed down so I am okay.

I feel that until I get over my fear and really get it into my head and understand that all those threats are just his way to control me as he know that at this point this is the only thing that still helps him to control me and nothing else. I feel once I get over all this I will be able to leave. I just hope I will manage to put on those big girl pants and leave BEFORE he physically hurts me very bad.

[Bananaboat]

Oh lovely, I remember those days. This is no life for you or your child. Like you I used to think if I leave him to it, stay out of his way, be nice the next day it’ll all be ok. It never lasted long, these men are deeply broken.

You’re also putting a lot of pressure on yourself to expect yourself not to be fearful of threats or to recognise it’s a control – and thanks to deep rooted survival techniques you’ll be hard pushed to ever overrule the fight/flight/freeze response system. I don’t say that to scare you, quite the opposite!! Your home, your childs home should be your safe space. Plus you never know when those threats may become real. Those words he spits are his true self, that’s not love. You are incredibly strong to live this life, channel that into a new life for you and your child. You only get one childhood xx

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