Dying & Succumbing Is Surely Easier

[Random.]

I don’t know how much more I can handle.
Physical abuse, its fine I don’t care anymore I don’t bother telling anyone, he’s more tactical in where he hurts me now although hes already scarred me on my forehead for life. Its the mental side where I have to be told I’m never kind to him, that I always paint him out to be a bad person, just like everyone else does even though I have zero friends anymore in his home town. No family here. Nothing. I used to before him now I only have him & he wants everyone to feel as if they owe him something, as if the world owes him favours constantly. He seems happy when he’s out then makes everything about him when we aren’t & rants for hours about how people are snakes & can’t be trusted & when I have had enough of hearing negativity ALL THE TIME & speak up then I’m speaking over him & not letting him speak & have to again hear about how he can’t be heard by people & he’ll just say he won’t ever speak because ‘he’s not allowed to’ ahhh I just cant keep weathering this s**t storm!!!

[hop]

Ohh Random I’m sorry that you’re at this point but you need to see him like this to give you the courage to leave. You deserve happiness, love and joy in your life. Don’t settle for this life xxxxxx

[KIP.]

No it’s not. It’s a short term solution to a long term problem and is never the answer. You need to know that abusers are nasty parasites. They are the ones that suck the life and joy from you. They keep sucking like emotional vampires. It’s not you, it’s the parasite you live with that’s doing the damage. Like any nasty parasite, painful action is needed. It really boiled down to me or the parasite at the end of the day and I chose me. You need to choose you. He loves to dump all his c**p on you. It’s all brainwashing and programming and you need help to rewire your brain. My sister calls it a reboot. Step one is getting yourself away from the parasite. You deserve better. You’re writing it all down but you need to process it. One step at a time. While you’re near the parasite you will feel week and toxic. Keep reaching out. Keep trying to work out why you stay. Are you in touch with women’s aid?

[Lisa]

Good morning Random, I wanted to offer some support this morning. You certainly shouldn’t just have to just put up with the physical violence. Do you still have an IDVA? If so I would encourage you to talk to her. If you not can find the details for your local domestic abuse service here. You are not to blame for his behaviour, it certainly sounds as though he is trying to blame you. It must be so difficult if you are isolated from a support network.

Do you think you will be able to talk to your GP about how you are feeling? Do remember that you can contact the Samaritans at anytime on 116 123 if you need to talk about your feelings.

Take care

Lisa

[KIP.]

Hi Random, my post was quite brutal but I’m just trying to be honest with you. I totally sympathise with your predicament and I was once trapped to. For many years but there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Just reach out for help and keep reaching x

[Random.]

Thank you all so much for your support & I appreciate absolutely every piece of advice given.
It is a massive relief not only to me but to every woman that comesonto this site that no matter what the situation or the mental state you’re in there’s always others that have & are going through the same & pillars of support are there.
It’s all just such a lonely, lacklustre existence. Dreading every minute of being alive rather than relishing it like I used to. You are right KIP it is like he is a parasite & has nearly depleted any semblance of life out of me. It’s just such a tiring, monotonous, depressing way to live each day. Especially when I think back to how happy i was before I met him, or even when we first got together..

[KIP.]

That happy girl you were before you were abused is still in there. She’s just waiting to come back out again when you’re free x

[Peacethroughhealing]

That’s exactly it Random, it’s tiring, monotonous and depressing and leaves you completely shell shocked. From the way it is at the beginning and then the abuse starts and it floors you and, as KIP said to me, they actually don’t think they are doing anything wrong that’s the mind blowing thing about it all. I am getting there now but I had to have no contact or I would have spiralled down further. It is heartbreaking but it’s the only way to get out and on with your life. x

[ssid]

Are you able to just walk out the door Random?

I mean, if you could grab a bag of your basic essentials (your id documents, your money, your cards, essential clothes, etc) could you return to your area, to family and lost friends?

It could be done without explanation, I’m sure you’ve explained over and over, to deaf ears.

You owe him nothing, he has destroyed all that you once had.

Your life is valuable, just needs meaning and a new outlook and you can find yourself again. Support to recover and feel safe again.

Return to the girl that enjoyed her life by outting her back into a place where shes free to?

[ssid]

Putting

[ssid]

There is dying and succumbing too, and it might feel easier, but its weighing up what else you could have, what your life could be again.

The only real change required would be doing it without him. He not going to change, so you need to change your space.

[Author]

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