emotional abuse and children

[waterlilly2]

Hello! i’m feeling paniced and defeated. how do you prove psychological abuse on you has effects on the children? Just because he doesnt hit them doesnt mean there is no effect on them. Just the fact that he is so controlling, coersive and manipulative to me has a huge effect on them. But every time i come across police or professionals they seem to have the attitude well he doesnt hurt them does he? I’m trying to say if he’s the same to me, his siblings his colleagues etc ofcourse by default he would use the same tactics on the children because thats his personality! how ever not allowed to say that. because the abuse has been against me apearently he’s clear as a father? the children live with me but see him every (detail removed by Moderator) for (detail removed by Moderator) hours. no overnight stays. Now it seems that might change and they may be returned to him for (detail removed by Moderator) custody. which would be a total disaster for the kids. I cant seem to make any one understand just because hes charming and puts on a face he’s dangarous to the childrens psychological and emotional well fare. I’m so exhusted by trying to keep them safe from his chaos. i cant seem to find the words to quantify or put in to words the fears i have and why i feel they are not safe with him long term. I’m a wreck.

[KIP.]

There are some good books about this and lots of current research so please contact your local women’s aid and the NSPCC helpline too. Google the latest research and take a look at Lundy Bancroft and Evan Stark. Both authors who have done some great work. Keep a detailed journal of his behaviour and the effect it has on the kids. Just because some ‘professionals’ don’t understand it’s child abuse doesn’t mean it isn’t. Educate yourself so that you can articulate your feelings and back them up with facts.

[Nowheretoturn20]

I could of written this myself! The unfortunate bit about it is my children are still subject to this 🙁

[KIP.]

If you can also get your GP or child psychologist to back you up if they’re knowledgeable on the subject. Abusing the mother is abusing the child x

[diymum@1]

Get the children to talk to a counsellor ask them to back you for court xx can the kids write a diary depends what age they are xx
Teach your kids in general what is acceptable behaviour and what is not xx my daughter is pre teen and I’ve just taught her recently about boundaries xx educating them helps and will equip them for life really xx

[Serenity1]

(detail removed by moderator) I was faced with my denial that I was suffering with alcoholism and that it was a illness I had been suffering from my early teens. I am walking into my second year of sobriety and on the road to true wellness! I had to make a difficult decision for my young baby at the time to go and reside with her father and I was unable at the time to meet her needs and get myself well! From (detail removed by moderator) my consequences were spiralling out of control and it was apparent I was not only loosing myself I was loosing my daughter as well,services became involved in the (detail removed by moderator) due to concerns of my ability to care for my daughter I began my journey from then on to do the next right thing focused on my recovery engaged with services, voluntarily paid for a contact centre even though it was noted my contact at that stage didn’t need to be supervised, I have worked really hard on myself to be the The true person I was destined to be and to become the nurturing loving mum my daughter deserves I have been abstinent now since (detail removed by moderator) of last year. (detail removed by moderator) I hadn’t seen my daughter from (detail removed by moderator) until (detail removed by moderator)! Just over a year! And how painful has the process been words cannot describe how much I love my daughter. despite showing my willingness to get well and change my life around services always recommended in reports after they saw my commitment to address my issues that it was always in my my daughters best interest to see me and maintain a relationship with me they also recommended for my ex partner to maintain contact arrangements so my daughter wasn’t estranged from her maternal grandmother and family. My ex partner had disregarded the recommendations and felt he was entitled and was in control over the authorities (detail removed by moderator) losing sight of what was in the best interest for our daughter. (detail removed by moderator) I see it through a clearlens that the social worker saw my ex partner’s campaign (detail removed by moderator) and alienating her from me and her family would cause her more harm emotionally. The social worker also went on to say (detail removed by moderator) Despite the recommendations concluding that they didn’t feel a significant safe-guarding issue on my ability to maintain contact with my daughter my ex partner has been obstructive on me having contact with my daughter ever since and currently is still making contact difficult (detail removed by moderator) twisting and distortion of the truth to get me to look the other way, getting into my emails,pursuing me at contact threatening to call the police,threatening to (detail removed by moderator),threatening to stop contact, (detail removed by moderator),disrespects me and devalue’s me,cuts me down. An example Most recently I have opened up a (detail removed by moderator) account for my daughter I havnt made him aware of this and when I set up the account (detail removed by moderator) I applied solely in my name and address only the bank have confirmed the same I received a text message from him “(detail removed by moderator)” I didn’t reply at it’s important to not react as with these types of characters it would be perfect supply for him if I got mad or angry. (detail removed by moderator). I’ve learnt I have had to educate myself on the personality types of these abusive men and all the drama that comes with problems they create I can imagine most of you may relate dealing with abusive men is like a project, and that’s why it’s so important to work on ourselves, reach out get the support we deserve,learn about the different types of characteristics of abuse to step out of that darkness of being a victim. It’s not been easy I have felt like giving up and throwing in the towel it has affected my confidence my self esteem I can question my own sanity. However I believe that the truth will always find its way and at some point most abusive men slip up eventually. I just have to stay in my Lane,my truth.

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