Emotional abuse from husband, scared of the next few days. Hello everyone

[Whitevase7]

Hi everyone,

My husband is emotionally abusive. I have been trying to end my marriage for over 2 years now. In this time, I’ve got my own home which he doesn’t live at but I haven’t been able to end our marriage completely.

At the moment he is on holiday, due back (detail removed by moderator) so I am feeling extremely anxious. During his holiday, he has been convinced I have another man in my home. Obviously I don’t. I received a string of messages from him (detail removed by moderator) saying he was convinced I had someone here. I ended up having to (detail removed by moderator) to convince him no one was there.

I told him I was going to call the police. I haven’t yet – I have done before and will do again. I am scared he will turn up at my home when he gets back. He hasn’t got a key. He also had control of the security cameras I have on my home. I’ve managed to convince him to delete that but it’s meant I cannot excess my camera at all.

He blames it all on his anxiety.

Our story is so so long. I am out of my marriage but I’m scared of the next part and what he could be capable of

[Bananaboat]

Sorry you’re going through this. It might be a case of having to rip off the bandaid, you’ve tried for 2 years to leave and now know he won’t let you. By trying to appease him and keep things calm, he’s abusing you further and using intimidation to control you because it’s a tactic that works. This is your house, your home and you should feel safe, not watched. They often accuse us of things they are doing – so is he having ppl in his house, are you allowed to question that and demand a FaceTime to see? I suspect not. If you haven’t already, then consider getting legal advice to end the marriage and separate assets. As for today, maybe speak to womansaid chat line, but keep your phone on you and ring the police if he threatens you. Realising nothing you do will make him happy or agree to the split helps, he’s going to have a tantrum eitherway as you’re his supply, so focus on what you want/need. He’s a grown man, he can sort his own needs/feelings out. We’re often all too nice to these people trying to keep the peace. xx

[Whitevase7]

There are a couple of things that point to him speaking to other women at least. When I first left him, he would accuse me of having someone else and I found out later on that it was him messaging other women. I have done nothing. He is a gambling addict and sent me a message to say that he has relapsed again. He told me it had happened (detail removed by moderator) but I know deep down it’s been going on for ages. I’m guessing he is just telling me this stuff to make me feel sorry for him? Acting like he has just replaced to make me think ‘oh no, I need to help him’ like I previously would have done.

I am entitled to legal aid as far as divorce goes. The divorce should be pretty simple – not sure if we would even need a solicitor as there is nothing to sort but I know I am entitled to help for a divorce. I just need to apply for the help first I think.

There is no going back from this. He used to say all the time ‘aren’t you glad I don’t hit you?’. In the last 2 years I’ve realised it’s because he was violent towards all the others and proud of himself for not doing it to me.

I married an absolutely disgusting person. I was so vulnerable. I can’t believe I fell for it for so long!

[Bananaboat]

Don’t beat yourself up, we all fell for it because they knew how to play us, they used our empathy & desire to help others against us. If he’s gambling again then get out of the marriage asap so you don’t end up liable for his debts.

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