Emotional and financial abuse

[123winniethepooh]

I have been with my partner for years and we have a child together. During my pregnancy he pursuing other woman which left me in a low state and extremely emotional throughout my pregnancy. After having our child I went through a lot in the relationship and I was constantly crying and trying not to bring up things like money or how stressed out I was managing everything on my own because it was start an argument.

I decided to study and I told myself once I finished everything, I would leave him. That’s exactly what happened, he attacked me and I left him. Now that I have left him he is manipulating the situation, saying that it was my fault because I don’t no how to stop arguing back and that he doesn’t want to help clean or cook or contribute in any way.

I ask him to help more financially and his argument is that he no longer lives with me so why should he. He complains when I ask for money for our child. He keeps guilt tripping me into letting him stay at the house and guilt tripping me into doing things with him that I have stated I do not want to do. I’m feeling really unhappy about the way things are but I feel like I don’t have the strength to him out completely. Every single time I become strong and I focus on me and our child, he finds a way to punish me.

I feel stuck, I feel exhausted and I feel alone.

[Lisa]

Hi 123winniethepooh,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand. How he’s behaving is completely unacceptable, it’s no wonder you’re feeling exhausted. You deserve to have support and shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

If you need any guidance on using the forum you can find this in the Forum Guidelines and FAQs. If they don’t answer your question then please feel free to message me.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.

Best wishes,

Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[Maybe]

Hi I know its easier to say don’t blame yourself, it’s not you because I know all to well, we do. We blame and doubt ourselves. You know one thing I started saying to myself was imagine if it was the other way round and I didn’t support my child, I didn’t help out my partner with cooking and cleaning i guilt trip them and made them cry etc etc. It then dawned on me I’d never do that, the thought of doing so is revolting. Don’t doubt yourself you know your truth.

Keep reading on here. I have often felt alone, too, but don’t,  you aren’t alone on here. Am going to keep taking the support on here and will reach out one day soon I hope for additional support to get away, you should too x

[123winniethepooh]

Thank you both for responding to my message. I am having a really low day.

I feel fearful of the future because I don’t feel financially stable or financially able to take care of myself and my child.

Today I asked for help with money and this ended with him taunting and laughing at me. I held it together because our child was there but I feel really low and worthless atm. I don’t understand what he gets from seeing me struggle. For the time we have been together I have paid for everything and provided a life for us because he has always said ‘I don’t have it’ but when he wants to buy trainers or a tattoo he ‘has it’. Yesterday I didn’t shower or brush me teeth, I barely moved from my bed. I don’t have family support or friends and it hurts because It feels like no one cares. Trying not to fall into a depression that I can’t come back from as I need to hold it together for my child but I’m falling apart.

[Chillijam]

I’m sorry your going through this. That was such good advice above switching it around about what if you didn’t support your children ect… (third party experience removed by Moderator). If that’s not an option maybe except it for what it is. He will never support your child therefore you do it yourself, it sounds like you are anyways. So cut him off, budget your finances cut back on certain things. Reach out for support in ways of maybe discretionary housing payments, food larders ect… it might be tough you will think it’s not fair (it isn’t) but you can do it. Think about all the single parent families out there I’m sure a lot are in the same boat. Show him you don’t need him or his money, it might not be easy but I reckon in the end you might be poorer but you will be happier.

[InShock]

I agree with chilli jam…

apply for CMS

 

You can do it …and with time you will feel better … well done for removing yourselves from that situation…

[Author]

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