End of my tether

[Loopy2]

Hi.  I am really at breaking point.  I can’t stay in my relationship much longer.  I don’t know how to leave.  I can’t justify leaving when he keeps threatening suicide when this will hurt his family and our children just because I can’t cope with walking on eggshells any more although I don’t think its healthy for the kids either.

He is constantly criticizing me no matter what I do. I can’t do anything right. I’m getting fed up with this drinking and hiding bottles around the house and then it’s my fault if I mention it.  He lies to me and says I’m not right in the head when I catch him out.  He is happy to take everything from me including my sanity.

I am disabled and I’m worried that if its not a thread of suicide if I say it’s over, he will use my disability against me and tell everyone that i’m useless and unable to look after our children.  The fact that I am the one that works (from home) and I do as much housework as I can although it causes too much pain so it’s in batches doesn’t come in to it.  He does cook because I can’t stand up for that long but the rest of the day is spent on his phone, moaning at me for something or other or ignoring me altogether while I’m trying to concentrate on my work that I’m already struggling with now due to my medical conditions.

I also found out (timeframe removed by Moderator) months ago that we have not paid any (specific detail removed by Moderator) since we moved in (timeframe removed by Moderator) years ago!!  He usually sorts these things out because I cannot talk to anyone that i don’t know on the phone. I literally just cannot do it due to anxiety.  It just makes me sick.  I did find out (timeframe removed by Moderator) that we hadn’t set up (specific detail removed by Moderator) either as we had a letter through the door but I was able to sort this through email and I am now paying this monthly.  I have tried to contact the (specific detail removed by Moderator) through emails but I am getting no response.  I have begged him to contact them and get it sorted but he knows this another thing that will scare me in to staying until it is sorted.

I am in such a mess.  I really don’t know what to do.  I know this covers a huge variety of things but I really needed to get it all out before I explode because I really don’t know how much more I can take.

Thank you for reading.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Feeling so sad for you being in this situation. It’s difficult to get the gist of it because so much of the detail has been removed, but I gather that maybe there’s a lot of financial abuse too.

My personal take on it is that it’s really manipulative of him to make you feel like his life is your responsibility and that he’ll commit suicide if you don’t do what he wants. I think that’s unkind and awful to try and make you feel like that’s your responsibility, when clearly it’s not.
I hope other ladies will come on and offer you practical support, but maybe you could start contacting people and start to build a web of people who may be able to support you in your decision.

Your local domestic abuse group, and maybe citizens advice bureau who may be able to help with financial matters. You could also make sure that you start to unravel the threats that he’s making that keep you stuck. Deal with them head on, and one by one. I think your children won’t be taken away from you just because you’re disabled. I’m pretty sure this is b*ll***t designed to keep you in the FOG. Fear, Obligation, Guilt.

[Loopy2]

Thank you EvenSerpentsShine.  To be honest, I just need some kind of light at the end of the tunnel to aim for.  At the moment it’s just darkness and I just can’t find any light at all.  I’m just stuck.  I find it so hard to talk to anyone that I don’t know so I can’t even talk to my GP as these are always different.  It did feel good writing some of it down on here though, even though half of it was removed 🙂

I really appreciate your reply.  It gives me some kind of validation that maybe I’m not crazy x x x

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