Every interaction an excuse to shout and put me down

[bunsandcakes]

I left a few months ago and he has the kids 2 night and days a week. Every engagement we have seems to STILL be a reason to shout at me. Last week my son left his coat in the car, he refused to pick it up as he drives to school (I live 30 seconds off the route, literally. I had to run to school and give it to them and then because my daughter cried for me when she saw me I got shouted at again for causing upset. This week it’s because I somehow ended up with all the hats apparently. He told me I was making him look like a bad parent at school because its -5 and his son has no hat. I am certain HE has a hat he could lend my son and again Ive said ‘come and get it’ but he wont. Ive now agreed to take those things down to school today but I get 2 days a week in which to catch up on my work and chores. Last Monday he asked me to walk the family dog on my day off.

I know everyone says no contact and if I could I would absolutely do that. Sadly I a – need the help 2 days a week with childcare as I cant afford more care and b – the kids seem to love him and want to go and stay and he hasn’t done anything to them and is by all accounts a ‘good dad’. Ive given him 2 huge bags of kids clothes and a set of uniform to try and stop this ‘I dont have X’ thing but he wasnt even grateful of that. He pays next to no child maintanance. He has the family home. He has cash in the bank. Im so sick of always being the one struggling and feeling exhausted and like Im doing everything wrong in his eyes.

[KIP.]

Have you had legal advice. Instead of struggling you could be entitled to money from him. Unfortunately this is what faces you whilst you have contact with him and it’s teaching your children that it’s ok to behave in an abusive manner. If he has money in the bank, he can pay for childcare. Or is there a third part you can use for contact. Drop off and pick up at a third party? He will use any excuse to abuse you because he enjoys it. He gets a kick out of the power he feels abusing you. It’s not about having X things. It’s about having control over you. Making you jump when he says. Taking his anger out on you. Making you carry the guilt so that he doesn’t have to.

[jsscollie]

I’d echo KIP’s suggestion of legal advice. You can still share the childcare arrangements with no contact (it’s difficult but worth a try). Could you find a family solicitor that offers 30 minutes consultation for free maybe? x

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