Everyone & Everything around me feels like further abuse

[Anonymous]

Do you feel so weak, over sensitive & scared that it feels like now you are away everyone thinks it was you, it was all your fault because you were too weak to stop them from abusing you. Now everyone still in a way thinks right, she’s weak she needs telling what to do poor thing she has lost the plot! Too weak to be able to think straight! We all need understanding but not for anyone to take further advantage by treating us like nobodies, worthless, useless, weak & incapable of having our own voices. I know everybody has problems in this world but don’t think I’m alone in feeling that when escaped from a long term highly abusive relationship we are left feeling unable to fully trust our own decisions, even though they must be our decisions. All those who offer unwanted opinions, who make unfair judgements based on abusers lies, are further abusing us as humans. It is like that think we feel sorry for ourselves, we don’t, we are struggling to come to terms with years of being abused daily! Dreading the thought of coping on our own, he used to yell “You wouldn’t fn manage on your own would you” those words echo in my head, I think now, yep he was right, he abused me so badly, made me so weak I really can’t, I needed my support network to understand what he did, to listen, hear & help, where I needed help, not for them to take over!!! Xx

[Jupiter]

Hi Blueberry

Feel for you with all these horrible thoughts–I have been there and still coping with it but none of this is
your fault.It is a normal reaction to damaging abuse.It gets better but takes time to work through the fog left by them.You are not weak but a strong woman who is doing her best to survive and grow from a nightmare caused by others.
These others lack understanding because it is not part of their life and they are quick to judge you-a total cop out.
You are left with lack of trust in people but while you are gradually healing you can make yourself feel safe by only letting people you choose into your life.I know relatives are tricky but you can put boundaries in place to limit visits calls or texts etc. Maybe any meetings can be outside your home and in a public place instead? This way your home will feel like your sanctuary and building trust in yourself to take back some control in your life.
Do you have anyone to support you with the situation? This is important as you cant manage the problem alone.We all

need help when we are struggling to protect us more from stress.
You are a strong person to survive this far and don’t forget this achievement.A day at a time really works.

Jupiter x

[Anonymous]

Hi Jupiter Yes I now have a support worker, it’s taken a year but I pray with her help she can guide me to self help groups to build on my confidence. I know he was a serious abuser, but in truth I never realised just how severely he had affected me until after I left, oh my what a massive shock, I truly believed that once away I’d be OK, How very wrong I was!! I can not believe how very much he had damaged me. I thought I was a strong minded woman, he used to scold me & rant “The problem with you is you just don’t fn listen do you” I did though I did hear his ridiculous demands, his petty rules, but they changed daily, now I treble check everything everyone says, Just to make sure I haven’t misheard them. I must admit I must sound pathetic as I’m always asking or seeking others approval. I would like to scream most days at people who deny saying things, I think oh yes you did, that’s exactly what you said! Years with an abuser has made my senses very acute, My nerves all so raw, they quite literally hurt from the top of my head to the tips of my toes! It’s like I have a built in extra alert system. Trust is a massive thing, I truly trust no one, that’s the difficult part. Thank you for that advice it is so so true I can not do this on my own, he won in many eats ad would not stop until I was so very broken I have felt like a shattered glass am now looking at that shattered glass thinking to myself how in the hell do you repair shattered glass? I just hope that some miracle cure will be found xx

[Lyng]

I hear you. The hardest thing is my so called friends judging my interactions with my kids. They are often vicious with me. (detail removed by Moderator) She gave me this lecture about my kids are worth more than that and don’t give up on them. She doesn’t have to deal with their daily mistreatment of me. Stands up on her moral high horse and makes me feel like c**p.

[Anonymous]

Hi Lyng I hear you too, my kids are adults & except youngest (also an adult) who lives with me was not our abusers son, he sticks up for me, he lived through it too, but eldest 2 have no idea & do speak down to me, their Dad was also an abuser but in a different way to the bd I had to escape. It hurts like hell when long term friends, like you say sit in their moral high ground & judge us. I would so love to put them straight in their parenting skills, ok so their kids have happy parents, my friends have not been abused, but have their kids, what the hell do they know! They all think they do though!! X

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