Ex husband promises to go for therapy

[Hazel]

Hello

I escaped my abusive husband some time ago. Now he is crying and begging me to come back. He keeps asking me to give him another chance, he says he wants to go for Domestic Abuse Prevention Programme, he contacted his GP already and he is also ready to take tablets. Are the programmes and therapies effective, can they change his behaviours?
Since I left he was lovely towards me, and then if something was wrong he was aggressive again. At some point I thought he is over our relationship but yesterday he was again begging and crying and promising all the therapist. If I say yes, I know he will go for such therapy but I am not sure how effective they are?

Please can I have your tips and opinions on my situation.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, if he really wants to do this great.and if he means it he will put it in place and just get on with his therapy. From your post it sounds like he is talking about therapy/help which is a common tactic to keep us involved.

Also, you say

At some point I thought he is over our relationship but yesterday he was again begging and crying and promising all therapies. If I say yes, I know he will go for such therapy but I am not sure how effective they are?

If you say yes he will go for therapy which means He is doing this for you? which is concerning in my opinion as if he meant it he would do it for himself to be a better person. If he means it he will go ahead as this is entirely for him to take responsibility for his abusive behaviours. You say you thought he was over your relationship but he started begging and crying yesterday, I would think very carefully as these seem like red flags to me.

I hope that makes sense ❤

[Hereforhelp]

Well done for escaping, keep yourself safe. I do not know how long you have been out of the relationship? I was with mine for decades, he begged, cried (crocodile tears), threatened suicide… then he told me he had met someone else and was living there for months (all whilst coming out with empty words, he still takes zero responsibility and didn’t do one thing to change).
It is really hard on you but stay strong and keep putting YOUR needs first, not his x
❤

[KIP.]

Don’t do it. Work on zero contact with him. Remember the reason you left your abusive husband. Have you done the Freedom Programm. Contact your local womens aid. These men never change.

[Hazel]

Thank you Ladies

We’ve been together for decades. You are right Hereforhelp , I thought the same that if he wants to be a good person he would go for himself and for kids, this is what I said to him. At first he was cooperative, we agreed what to do with our equity etc but now when I rejected him again after his promises he said he will watch me and if I want something from him, like one of our houses as we agreed before, I might be in dangerous…

[Bananaboat]

He’s ‘saying’ he wants to go to therapy, take medication, fix things BUT what’s he ‘doing’.

Don’t even think about going back until you have hard proof he’s actually doing any of these things. Otherwise it’s just another trick to hook you in.

People’s beliefs and behaviours are so engrained it’s highly unlikely he can change but we’ve all been there hoping it’s possible.

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