Falling out with family due to the relationship

[elmar]

I broke up with my abusive boyfriend some weeks ago, but he reeled me back in with suicide threats and guilt. Because of that and to be honest just missing him, I didn’t cut contact with him and we have been seeing each other. My parents found out about it and we had a pretty big fight, in which they told me they didn’t understand why I kept victimizing myself and that they were tired and no longer wanted to help me. While I understand why they feel this way and why it’s so frustrating for them, hearing that hurt regardless. Things have been extremely tense with my family and I feel like the only person who actually wants to see me and talk to me is my ex, so I’ve just kept running more to him, which in turn makes my family reject me more.
Has anyone else ever experienced this? I feel really alone and stuck.

[Persephane]

Hi Elmar
You have reached out for advice at a safe place that’s a good start being in a abusive relationship can be a very lonely place I’ve experienced domestic abuse in 2 relationships both for long periods of time and it has had an effect on my life and on my 4 children 2 from each partner . once you make the choice to leave you will fight with all. Your strength and you will come out of it feeling like wander woman and u won’t look back and think I miss him u will be so relieved and busy with your own life it takes time patience and strength you will be free to think and make better judgment of what went on and what you want in life we all deserve love and respect I feel like I wasted alot of my years submitting and being the obedient wife and now my (detail removed by Moderator) year old daughter is in an abusive relationship and it breaks my heart to know how much he hurts her and makes her cry and feel guilty as her mother there have been times in frustration and anger and confusion feeling that she loves him more than her family I know now that isn’t the case I have felt like just cutting her out of my life in our heated arguments but I know that would only break my heart ❤️ and her heart ❤️ even more I won’t let him win this fight and will
Do my best to be there for my daughter maybe your parents would benefit if they educated themselves more about domestic violence that would help them and you through this difficult challenging time Your GP could help you too offer some support you need support right now reach out to whoever you need to and you will find the strength to move forward I hope this helps a little xx

[elmar]

Thank you so much for your reply. I really hope the situation with your daughter gets better. I’m sure she really loves you, and doesn’t want to hurt you, but is also not ready to leave him, but that has nothing to do with her love for you. She loves you regardless of her relationship with him, and I really hope things get better for you both <3 xx

[Persephane]

Hi Elmar nice to read your reply and thanks 😊 how are things with you ? Have you had any contact with your family this is one of the awful things with abusive relationships it affects so many people the thought that one abusive person can cause so much pain to others that we love is so frustrating it also upsets me that abusers get away with there behaviour by guilt tripping it’s not your role in life to fix him you need to take care of urself have you tried any counselling? My daughter is receiving counselling with IAPT (nhs) talking really helps you to get a better understanding as to why it’s so hard to walk away .My daughter calls me at least once a week crying telling me all the details of his abuse to her very difficult as a mother to listen 😞 if he wants to self destruct and ruin his life then good luck to him I just can’t let him take my daughter down with him have u thought about writing a letter to ur mum some times we as parents just need to stop and listen and when it’s written down u can reflect more on the situation xx

[Author]

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