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Ok…so haing lest the kids see dad Childrens services have sent a letter saying they ” strongly suggest” that arrangment are ratified by the family courts. What does this mean? And how much might it cost? I know u can get legal aid for some things if there is dv…but is it expensive…wud I need this? IS this aomething where i wud have to face him?
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Hi shinebright,
If he wants to see the children let him apply through the family court. Let him go to the trouble. If I was you I wouldn’t do his job for him re child contact. You have enough to be doing in working to financially provide for your lots of children and rearing them completely. Let him apply to the family court.
ok so Children’s Services ‘strongly suggest’ that arrangement are ratified by family court. ‘Strongly suggest’ does not have to be acted upon by you. Let them suggest all they like. They are allowed their suggestions but they don’t know the dangerous criminal he is. They do not think he will continue to use the children as pawns/weapons to get at you. But he will. He does not love his children. He does not care about his children. He will continue to abuse you if he has ratified contact with them verified by a family court.
You can pretend to listen to their strong suggestions but I would not do anything about what they suggest, due to the fact your ex is dangerous. He is dangerous for your children to be around. He will use his contact time with them to influence you against them, to rewrite history painting him as the victim. He will use his contact time to weaken the bond between you and your children.
Pretend to be agreeable to Children’s services just don’t do anything. Pretend you are busy, ill, pretend children ill…anything. Just don’t lift one finger to make your children have legal contact with their abuser dad happen.
If he wants contact let him make it happen, not you.
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The way the family courts are right now even Fred West would likely get good access to his children. They believe that fathers have the right to see their children and vice versa.
Whilst in the majority of cases this is very noble and right, when you’re dealing with abusers we’re in a whole other world. The courts however seem not to recognise this.
I agree with LONC, if he wants to see the kids then he can go to the effort of employing a lawyer or reading up himself and he can make the application to court for contact. Why should you go out of your way for something that benefits him?
That said, do the kids desperately want to see him? Are they desperately unhappy without him and suffering emotionally?
Does he have parental responsibility? If so he can technically take them and just not give them back. Maybe this is another thing SS are concerned about?
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Just so confused. I keep thinking if someone said ur children have a new teacher who has sexually assaulted women and followed them un hit them etc of course i wud say no way…but he is their dad and who else do they have….just me. What if i die..what happens.then. They wanna see him but i dont know how much they gain from it. My middle daughter has recently started talking about paople ” getting in the house” and she cries at night becaude she is scared. I picked then up to day….and staff insisted on walking with us to car because “someone” had been hanging round school.
Iknow this is a bad thing to say but i think if i stop contact it will get worse. He always be one step behind me. Please tell me im not going to lose everything that is going back to how it was. -
Hi shine bright
I suggest you ring children’s services first thing Monday and ask them exactly what they mean and how they suggest getting it ratified by court. Also make sure he had a copy of letter too. I think you could stop contact until you know why they’ve said this – that way if there’s and children service concern about their safety with dad you are seen to be putting children’s safety first.
They’ve made this decision and need to explain why.
The way I’d interpret it is they’re making a statement that a legal process needs to be in place and if contact continues without that then if anything happened during contact that it would mean “children had not been protected”
Social services are good at coming up with these things but not great at telling people just exactly what it means. If you get no joy from first person you talk to insist on speaking to next level up (manager or senior social worker).
Ask specifically “if I allow contact to continue without court ratifying it could I be seen as failing to protect my children? ”
If they say yes or indicate its possible ask thm to put that fact in writing to you and their dad.
You could even be cheeky and ask what children services themselves propose to do to get it cleared by court! Sometimes pleading ignorance gets you quick answers.
When they’ve clarified it for you ring Rights of women or a use a 30 minute free solicitor advice session to help work out how to do it and see what cost is.
Children’s services can be on your side don’t be afraid of involvement and don’t be afraid to ask questions.
Take care keep strong and do what your great at – being a mum x*x -
Thank you White Rose. Sounds like good advise. I always panic cos i dont understand what they are saying. I had to google ratifying and they told me I could call the MASH team..had to google that too. Why dont they just speak normal english?? Dont understand whybhe wants to see his kids but put nothing towards them either.
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Hi, I don’t know if I’m reading it different but I think they are saying they strongly suggest you get it done in Court as perhaps they think it should be formalised as in they dont trust him to do it safely just by arrangement with you. The family court is scary though and hard 🙁 My main suggestion before anything would be to get some free legal advice. I think WA helpline can set you up a phone consultation with a specialist solicitor who can help. They will tell you all your options whereas social services might tell you their suggestions more than all the options. You can get legal aid where there is DV and you wont be expected to do mediation with him. You need evidence, like – low income, DR’s letter, health visitor or people like that or police info. It’s quite long winded but I persevered and got it. (They make it b****y complicated on purpose I think). A solicitor will guide you through what you need.
I would get the legal advice and then sit on it and see what his next move is as he might not bother. Anyway, hope I understood and this is helpful and not total waffle!
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Hi
I’m sure legal aid covers domestic abuse. Go online to check if you qualify. I got it for my divorce and only had to pay just over £130. I.e. A one off payment as opposed to £250 plus VAT per hour!! I was surprised that your income doesn’t have to be that low. It’s worth checking out. Just type in do I quality for legal aid.
Good luck x
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