Family talking about how my leaving has adversely affected them.

[Toffeeapple]

Hi ladies

I left my husband (time frame removed by moderator) after decades of emotional abuse. My family were supportive at the time.
A member of my family seemed very keen for me to start divorce proceedings but I wasn’t ready.
There have been setbacks to starting the divorce. My family are talking about how it’s all affecting them, basically saying you need to get on with it. I think I’ve read here that the level of support went down after ladies left. Its bugging me a bit, I feel a bit ungrateful. I would like to know others thoughts and experiences please. Take care ladies. X

 

 

[Lisa]

Hi Toffeeapple,

This sounds really difficult. You’re doing the right thing in waiting until you’re ready, it’s okay for that to take time. Unfortunately, abuse and the impact that it can have are still much misunderstood by many people. I’m sorry that your family are focused on how it’s affecting them rather than understanding how you might be feeling. It’s not ungrateful to be aware that you aren’t getting the support that you need right now. I hope that some of the other women on the forum will be able to share their experiences with you soon, but know that you are not alone in this.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[StrongLife]

I got professional help from counsellor/support people initially and as time went on this lowered and now I have therapy and other places on adhoc basis.
I have had friends around chatting and helping out but these are not family.

As time has moved on the support has gotten less – but I needed less support.

Family were of no support.

[Cherries]

My family took his side. I ruined his life by leaving. Amazingly I still talk to them for some reason.

They never have had my back though.

All I can say is you’re not alive to make them happy. It’s you that all of this affects the most so do things when you are ready. It affects their life very little compared to the upheaval of yours. Focus on you, and getting yourself straight and strong x

[Tian]

I have no idea what my ex said to family,  friends, neighbours and members of the local community, when we up. I do know that no one took my calls or responded to my messages. It was as if there was a newsletter that went out, that said that I was not to be communicated with, and that was that. I do wonder how many hours, over months, probably even years, he spent preparing the ground for the discard. It still hurts, some time on, to think of the people who I loved and trusted, all happy to cut me out of their lives without ever troubling themselves to hear my side of the story. Is this common?

[Pheonix24]

I felt like I had enormous support for the first few months, but then it seemed like it was old news to people and I should just get over things.

I feel very alone now and like I cant talk about how I feel .  I dont want to annoy people by going on about the same thing.

I know getting over DV take a significant amount of time and only I know the true impact on me.  But that said – I understand people being bored of the same old.

I’m trying to get my support elsewhere, whoever, it also feels like after a time in the system with DV support, I am not their priority as I’m not seen as being in immediate danger.

sending hugs to all that need it, and know I’m here for anyone that needs a listening ear – and I promise that you wont feel like your a burden 🙂 x

[Author]

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