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I feel I have developed a ‘coping’ strategy and not sure if it’s healthy or not, but I do find it helps me at times just to escape my reality, even if it’s just in my head and wondering if anybody else finds themselves doing this…
I saw a flat come up to rent in the area I’d love to escape to, near family and in my childhood home. The flat is long gone now but whenever I’m having a really bad day or moment, my mind drifts there. I have decorated it, with all our favourite things. I do the food shop, full of food we like to eat. I’ve made an area for my child to play peacefully outside. I’ve bought a cat who we love and treat with kindness and care. I visit friends, have them over for tea. Go for runs along the beach. I have a job that I love and don’t feel the unbearable weight of someone looking over the shoulder and trying to control my movements. I have a routine that we thrive on and I just feel at peace.
This is what I escape to in my mind and the sadness that hits me when I realise its not my reality is crushing, but it brings me a small glimmer of hope that this might be my life one day. I have always been a bit of a dreamer but I fear the years of toxicity have taken a little of that away, I’m always stuck in freeze mode and find it almost impossible to move my life forward. I don’t have a job and spend most of my days stuck at home, doing the same thing and I know it’s crushing me but I don’t know how to stop it, or I do but feel too weak to make those changes.
I’d love to hear if any of you have these kind of fantasies, maybe we could write them down and share with one another, to escape to eachothers worlds for a short time. And I pray that you all find your fantasy and bring it to life one day ❤️
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Hello songbird1, yes I do exactly the same, in fact from the moment I made it my plan to leave for good I have been building up this picture of what my life will look like, what my house will look like, how it will be decorated, the furniture, the garden is filled with flowers and fun toys for my children and my house is warm and peaceful. I thought of my perfect house as I was falling asleep each night, I dreamed of it, I painted it! I filled my Amazon basket with items for my perfect house. I also did a new home spell (I am a witch) I filled a little bottle with herbs and crystals and wrote on a piece of paper all the characteristics that I wanted my new home to have – I was very specific even down to the colour of the door and the exact area. A couple of weeks later I had a phone call from a local housing association offering me a viewing on a property in the area I wanted – I’m now moving in in a few weeks! I am gob smacked as the house is perfect, everything I dreamed of. The next bit won’t be easy but it will be worth it in the end.
keep dreaming, hold onto your lovely fantasy, it sounds like a beautiful life. My witchyness might not be for everyone but it sounds like you have a clear vision of what you want your life to look like. You can do it!
Practically – I told my local council about the DA and I was on the list for a while, it felt scary as I could have been offered literally anything but it worked out perfectly in the end. Do you own your current home? Or rent? Sending you strength x
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I do too. It’s just me though my kids are grown. I can sit on the sofa however I like. Make food…just for me! The foods I like. Sleep the night through without being woken by snoring. Not have to plan everything I want to do to the nth degree. Not spend my life waiting on him. But more importantly my life isn’t waiting on him to do anything, and I won’t be afraid of being told for 6 hours straight I’m wrong. Unreasonable. Hard on him. Destroying his self esteem. All the while doing alllll the jobs. It’s just ME. Peace and quiet. Freedom of action. Nobody questioning me. Nobody I have to people please with.
An entire bag of crisps to myself. With no comments. Because currently it gets noticed if they’ve gone and he would have liked some, of course.
Oh the luxury of just that.
Independence. Not being responsible for another’s happiness or level of coping.
I feel so…suffocated
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