Fed up with it all and stuck

[Chocolatebunnie]

One of the older kids has said I react to how everyone in the house speaks to me that I’m over sensitive and don’t take things well if it’s negative

Our older kids are ASD and have mental health challenges quite complex

Thing is they don’t know half of what I’ve been through plus they are very entitled as teens are. They think they can. Express themselves anyway they want and I do have a problem with this.

I’m fed up with the toxic negativity in our home.

I grew up with this thought I had escaped by leaving and now reliving it again.

I’m really hurt by what they’ve said and kinda blaming me for my relationship difficulties too. This puts me back in a spin sm I to blame?

[Happybelle]

This is a tough one isn’t it and a question I often ask myself.
I’m not to blame for their behaviours but I am responsible and to blame for how I have responded over time. When I’m excessively stressed I respond completely differently to when I’m feeling happy and calm. I try to watch myself so I remain respectful and dignified but it’s hard.
I doubt you are being over sensitive- you’re right about teenagers today and their entitlement and they think they can say and do as they please without consequence.

[Chocolatebunnie]

Yes exactly and I have tried so hard to not react in a bad way sometimes that’s impossible we are only human and I’ve been through a lot. I’m waiting for treatment for CPTSD.

I’m supporting them as best I can I actually do a lot but they take it for granted. Sometimes they’re supportive too but some comments really do hurt deep.

I’m supporting my mum too who has been incredibly unwell recently it’s been awful. I’ve lost her as a friend in regards to the abuse I have experienced as her health won’t take any stress. My dad is abusive still and I talk to my mum and support her it’s a trigger for me. She knows how it is for me I try not to discuss things regarding my relationship as she blames herself for how I’m living. I don’t blame her at all she has dealt with a difficult situation as best she could. I hope my children understand one day. They do blame me for their dad being with us still.

It’s just really lonely, exhausting and I’m fed up with life being so much of a struggle just need things to be happier.

This is when my husband will pick up on how I’m feeling and after him being moody and distant for a long time will suddenly be supportive as he will see I’m really struggling. He will use this to get close to me as I’ve had my guard up as it’s been so horrible with him. Then the cycle starts again.

Don’t know where to start to make things better feel it’s a complete mess.

[tiredofitall]

I feel for you, I really do. Teens take for granted and it not until they are adults themselves that they appreciate the struggles and all that we do.
when I reflect on some of the ways i behaved with my kids when I was in the thick of trying to survive and just get through the day, I’m ashamed. I didn’t behave as well as I could have done. I’ve snapped, been over emotional, got angry, been in despair. And thats because I was just trying to get through every day and sometimes dealing with them just tipped me over the edge. Also I think that I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to really show I was feeling or be vulnerable with my ex because it would be used against me at some point, so sometimes i let it out with them. They saw and heard far more than they really should ahve done and they grew up way too fast. In some ways more mature but they were still children,
Try not to take it personally, they are just too young to understand all that you are coping with. I know its hard to be the one who has to hold it all together. x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Thank you tiredofitall and absolutely I think you’ve said is what deep down I was thinking. They are young and will look back in time and see things with more understanding.

I’m so full of guilt for not protecting them, myself staying put. But I have only realised over the past few years that it’s abuse, and now only just excepted it too.

The kids say I shouldn’t have had them with their dad due to his issues, its also because I’m broken in their eyes from all I’ve experienced and they blame me and their father for their problems. They still love me but that hurts me that they feel this way and they would rather not have been born I guess? So very hard as their mental health is very complex.

What you say about growing up too fast but still children, this too 👍

Hopefully today will be a better day, it’s been a really rough patch just lately x

[Hereforhelp]

Hey CB, oh my you have been going through it, I am so sorry and can relate re children… one of mine is on the spectrum, they both have MH..although it was my eldest who went through the worst of MH and they both now have help for their MH and to help them move on from being in an abusive relationship (as our children witness/pick up and sense the moods shifts too just like we do)…

To be told that you are oversensitive is very dismissive of you and your feelings…your feelings ARE valid, you are worthy of more, you do not deserve any of the abuse from your partner..

It took me years to accept how abusive my husband is… I tried to leave him a few times …went back, chances given etc…he never changed…the abuse continued until it made me so poorly (physically and mentally I was depleted) that I had to separate…

You have endured abuse for many years .. that makes you a VERY strong woman as to live with a partner who is abusive takes its own strength… people see leaving as strength… I believe we are all incredible women whether still together with abusive partner, on the cusp of leaving, those who have left and those of us who left and are doing our best to find ourselves again..

Big hugs
HFH ❤️

[Author]

Posts