Feel Like I Just Need a Friend to Talk to

[NotYourMaid]

I don’t need advice. I just need to talk to a friend. But since I don’t have any, I’ll pretend that you’re my friend. That you’re here with me drinking tea…

…My husband told me (time frame removed by Moderator), that he could give me money, sometime in the middle of the month. (time frame removed by Moderator) ago, he did. But only enough for money to last a week. He’s never given me so little before. The last time he gave me money was (time frame removed by Moderator), and it was barely enough money to get me through the month.

And now it’s even less.

I would be angry, but even anger is something I can’t afford right now. Or many be I am angry and don’t realize it. I don’t know.

Either way, he said that he’ll give me more money (time frame removed by Moderator). I don’t know if I believe him or not. I do know that it’s not wise to believe him.

Strangely enough, (time frame removed by Moderator) before he gave me the-almost-nothing-money, I had a strange feeling that that was going to happen. I felt that he wasn’t going to give me enough. I don’t know how I knew it, because he’s been in a good mood recently, because I’ve been making a lot of effort to make him happy.

Anyway, because I felt it so strongly, I contacted the Nonprofit that’s been helping me, and I told them that I was going to need help this month. (You have to register in advance). And they said they could help. That’s the only reason why I’m not panicking as much as I could be.

But I am panicking. Because this Nonprofit doesn’t actually specialize in domestic violence. They’re geared at people who are unemployed. Because they’re geared at employment, they only help 3 times (but they let you choose when), because they expect you to find a job after that. This will be my second time.

So I’m panicking. I couldn’t sleep last night. This Nonprofit got me through an entire month. I wouldn’t have survived without them.

I’m terrified that I won’t be able to get a job soon.

…a thing I find interesting is that both of the Nonprofits that are helping me, don’t specialize in domestic violence. One of them helps people are unemployed, the other help foreign exchange students. In a way, I find it both nice and strange that organizations that have nothing to do my situation have been helping me so much.

It’s sort of comforting. I guess it means that I might be able to find help again when I least expect it?

Anyway, thanks for pretending to drink tea with me.

[lover of no contact]

Hi there,

These people who choose to abuse others all follow a similar pattern. You’re describing those patterns that you’re on the receiving end of. He’s got financial control and he’s abusing you financially (& physically as you wouldn’t have enough to eat) except for the Nonprofit organization. It’s good you have them for help but as you say that help will soon no longer be available. Abusers rarely change. The abusive dynamic is just going to get worse with time. That’s always the way. It never improves. It always gets worse. Their cruelty knows no bounds.

How do you feel about booking a flight, leaving the country you’re in, leaving your husband and going back to the country you’re from. Is that quite impossible to do in your situation. We always have choices. But how easy or how difficult would that be for you. Would you find it hard to never set eyes on him again?  Would you have anyone to stay with in your own country? I’m just asking these questions as I remember in my case it wasn’t that easy just to walk away when I suddenly realised I had married an abuser, who took delight in abusing me and didn’t love me and got his kicks from hurting me and seeing me in distress. I don’t expect you to answer the questions, I’m just putting it out there. The great thing is you are reaching out for support. You’re going to come through this because you’re taking the important actions of not trying to cope with his madness on your own. Keep sharing your thoughts & feelings.

[Author]

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