Feel like I’ll never know why it happened

[Detail7]

He’d mentioned his wife joining in. I said no. Then when I was actually there with him she just suddenly came in and got in bed next to me. I didn’t want her touching me. I just lay there perfectly still with a little scrunched fist hoping she’d leave. She started to touch me and I jumped up and got mad. She apologised. He said he didn’t know why she was there. He broke up with me. I tried asking her why she did it, she won’t say. I tried to tell my therapist that I wanted to know if previous sexual history could possibly be affecting me now, but he was more interested in me making a goal to reach. I stopped seeing him. Last time I went to the dentist when there was a person on either side of me touching me I felt so violated. I can’t tell my mum, she will say I deserved it for sleeping with a married man.

[Eggshells]

Hi Detail7

Well done for finding the courage to write your post.

I don’t know the background to this but please try Googling ‘Survivorsuk’ and
‘CAAEG’ (Champagne Against Adult Grooming).

They may be able to help shed a little light on this for you and give you the right support.

Lisa may also pop along with some suggestions so please keep an eye open for more responses. xx

[Footballfan1]

It isn’t your fault at all.
You aren’t the one married to the wife.
What you described is sexual abuse as you said you did not want that to happen, but she tried to join in anyway.
Well done for trying therapy.
Are you able to see another therapist?
X

[Detail7]

Thankyou. It took a lot for me to admit I needed/wanted help. And even more to actually get an appointment with a therapist. But it didn’t help me.
I worry that he told her to join in before I got there. She has accused him of raping her. But without her talking (which is understandable) I’ll never know for sure.
All I want is my ex. I am tempted multiple times a day to contact him. It’s vile of me.

[Eggshells]

OK, the more you say the more it sounds like you’ve been tangled into a horribly abusive relationship. If this is the case then your need to go back to him is a very common feeling. We’ll done for resisting that pull.

If you Google “traumatic bonding betterhelp” then scroll down to the first unsponsored link, it might help to explain how you are feeling. You are not vile for wanting to go back to him but you might be traumatised. It’s important that you stay away from him. x

[Author]

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