Feel like I’m become ‘him’

[Milkshake@]

I’m in a new relationship but found out he was keeping something from me – occasional recreation drug use and hiding it – because he knew I didn’t like it and my abuser used to use it.
We’ve had a couple of rows about it and I have attacked him!
Not sure why as I was never like this – I was gobby not aggressive.
And I feel like I’m becoming the person I hate.

[Lisa]

Hi Milkshake@,

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. That must have been very distressing and triggering for you. Its understandable that this upset you as takes you back to a difficult time.

domestic abuse is about power and control- what you described is you emotionally responding to a horrible situation- that your partner has been hiding things from you. the fact you are worrying about that and how you responded tells me you are not the abusive one. At Women’s Aid we don’t condone violence but it is understandable this has had an impact on you.

What is important now is you getting more support with how you are feeling. You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes

Lisa

[StrongLife]

I would not like a new guy doing this type of lying thing. Especially with drugs involved.

I fear living with this violence ex has show me May have rubbed off. Ultimately I am very nice person, follow laws and guidelines- not like ex at all.

[Runrabbit]

Hi Milkshake.

I completely resonate with this and agree with the Moderator about this being very triggering for you.

Many years ago I was outside a pub,I saw a man phsycally attack a young girl I suddenly had flashbacks from my childhood of my father been violent toward my mother.

Like some kid of outer body experience.. I calmly walked over to where the girl was been attacked and jumped on this man frantically attacking him! Then I threw a drink over him. The doorman was more concerned for the abuser and let him back into the pub. I was sent home very confused as to why on earth I acted the way I did.
Fight or flight maybe.
Look after yourself 💜

[Author]

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