Feelijg confused

[Velveteenbun]

I am feeling very confused. Basically I collected my son early on (detail removed by Moderator) from school to avoid his dad. On (detail removed by Moderator) I was working so booked him into after school club. At about (detail removed by Moderator) I get a message from his dad saying the school had ring him (detail removed by Moderator).
His dad collected him but then went on to say he didn’t want to use our son as a pigy in the middle and I could collect him from his house if I wanted. He even went on to ask me in a very nice way why I hadn’t just asked him to collect our son. It was almost as if nothing had happemed between is for the past (detail removed by Moderator) a complete u turn on his behaviour of only a few days ago. I asked him if this meant he was going to stop fighting me for the extra night and he said no he still intended to.
Why has his behaviour changed, can someone shed some light on this.

[older lady]

Could it be he has been ‘advised’? I suggest you don’t focus on the ’emotional’ aspects of this, or trying to understand him from a psychological perspective. Rather look at it from a pragmatic point of view. He is still the same abusive person, but think more along lines of ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’. My daughter’s father is like this. Since the new coercive law came into place I have noticed how his overt behaviour in this area has changed. He clearly has self control when it’s in his own interest. It won’t be in your ex’s interests to ruin his contact application if he gets a record for harassment etc. This is him, modifying his strategy to get what he wants?? That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still take care. The wolf is always there. Xx

[Velveteenbun]

Thankyou so much for that. I thought as much. I had considered he has taken legal advice or even his family has advised hin of that much. When he is being kind and reasonable it makes me question my own behaviour and makes it harder for me to take action I know is going to hurt him at least financially if not emotionally

[Healthyarchive]

Dear velvet, when I split up he sent me an email which was decent, open & reasonable, at first I thought it was from someone else, he was never like that. He was normally closed, silent, manipulative & a liar, it was all just a control tactic to confuse me & present himself in a different light.

[KIP.]

You answered your own question “when he is being kind and reasonable it makes me question my own behaviour and makes it HARDER for me to take action”.
These men know us intimately, know all our weaknesses and will exploit them. The whole school messed up story doesn’t add up for me either. Why didn’t the school ring you? Don’t fall for it X

[Author]

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