Feeling alone/stepping into new relationships

[Starlight11]

I wasn’t sure where or whether to post this. I’ve been out of my abusive relationship for several years now. I’ve done a lot of work on myself but I guess I’ve been putting on this mask of being okay as an independent woman, if I do it all myself then nobody can let me down or hurt me. Now though, I just feel lonely, I miss having a person so much it hurts and I find myself crying a lot of late. I’ve got beautiful children, I have so much to be thankful for but my heart is hurting. I’ve put myself out there in dating world, not an easy step to take by any means especially in the way dating happens online these days, also remembering my boundaries and trying to judge what’s healthy from another and what’s not. I don’t know if it’s being open to the idea of meeting someone or just where I’m at in the journey but I am just finding it hard to be at home, everything reminds me of how lonely I feel. I just question how long or will I forever be on my own? How many more attempts of putting myself out there, for it to fall through will it take? Also do I even want to keep trying at it or do I go back to that safe space of solo life? I guess I’m losing hope there’s a happy ending there for me and don’t know if others have experienced that?

[Lisa]

Hi Starlight11,

Thank you for sharing so openly about something so clearly painful for you. You aren’t alone in feeling this, it’s really brave of you to have posted so vulnerably, and I know that it will help others feel less alone when they read it. Dating can be really hard, especially the modern dynamics of dating online, and having been through the trauma of domestic abuse can make it all the more difficult. You deserve healthy love. Looking for that doesn’t have to be all or nothing and it’s okay to take breaks from dating if the cycle of trying to find someone is getting to you, that doesn’t mean giving up on being happy. You mention that being at home is difficult right now, would it be helpful to explore ways of being out and around people other than dating?

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Starlight11]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your reply and kind words. I have it on my to do list to find some things I can join locally to be more sociable, the difficulty I’ve had in the past is finding things that are on at a times that works around the children but they’re older now.

I have opened upto a few close family members about not feeling so great when I’m home alone and just the fear of not knowing how long that will be the case for. I have been talking to a guy but I’m not sure it’s working/healthy and I know I’ll need a break from idea of dating after as its all a lot emotionally.

In the meantime I’m trying to focus on what I do have and what I’m thankful for.

[Author]

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