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Hello everyone, I am just having a particularly down day today and need a but of a vent. Feel cheated out of a life I could have had, if I hadn’t met him, if I had split sooner, if things would have worked out, if I’d have tried harder, tried again? I know you can’t go back and no use crying over spilled milk but I am crying over it today!! In limbo as I can’t move on properly until court stuff has finished and I am not where I want to be, not happy in my current situation and not living the life I wanted for me or my child. Life is and will be very different to what I had always planned for us and I feel like I will never be happy, while he gets to do whatever he wants and cry victim. It’s all just so not fair and I know life isn’t fair and I should be happy I am safe now, I don’t want to be ungrateful but I just a bit hopeless today. Can anyone relate? Does it get better? Thank you and sorry for the ranting x*x
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I can relate to this so much. I’m not one to dwell on the past or to stay locked into what’s happened but there have been lots of times that I’ve felt the same as you. Mourning for a life that I should have had but didn’t. I’ve often wondered who I would be if I didn’t meet him at all.
But you know, counselling helped me to accept that I didn’t have the skills, knowledge, experience then that I do now so there is no point being hard on myself for making choices based on what I had available to me at the time. I wish he was a different person but he isn’t so what can we do with that!
It did also help me think about what was important to me, what kind of life do I want to live for me and the children and how I might take tiny steps to build that for us.
Its not easy – I’m on a bit of a downer today too – guess I’m just tired of the fight and life – but it does get better and I’ve had some really great days and I need to remember that life is a million times better now than it was before.-
I wonder that exact thing, who I’d be if I hadn’t met him at all, where I’d be now, would I be happy and fulfilled in my life.
Thats so true, there’s no point beating ourselves up for making decisions with what we had available to ourselves at the time. We did our best and that was good enough. We can only take tiny steps to work towards the life we want for ourselves and children. People keep saying I should focus on me now but it’s really hard when you’re still in limbo, but there are always little things that can be done aren’t there.
Sorry you’ve been having a dower too, I hope you’re feeling a bit better today. It’s exhausting fighting against external and internal things all the time isn’t it. Thank you so much for replying, it’s good to know this is all normal xx
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I can relate to this so much too, i think you can’t help thinking what would have been and did I waste my life with the choices I made but you have come so far, you are safe, and that’s amazing but it doesn’t mean you are going to feel amazing every day, there are going to be hard days. I know it’s difficult for me to comment as I am still in the situation I haven’t escaped but I do keep thinking if I had wished things different and not met him I wouldn’t have these amazing kids etc etc, and they shape who you are, they make you a better person because they aren’t better people. Things don’t just mend overnight including our hearts and our mental health but you will get there, hang in xx
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That’s so true chasingthelight, just because I’m out of it that doesn’t mean I’ll be feeling amazing all of the time. And you’re right in that if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t have my child. So Crazy but sometimes I think why could t I have had my child with someone else and they were exactly the same, just maybe looked a tiny bit different? I don’t know if you can relate or if that is just mad!! I know it doesn’t work like that but my mind fantasises sometimes…
That’s an interesting way to look at it, that they shape who you are. Id like to come to a place where i can accept whar has happened, but its like grief isnt it, it takes time. Thank you for taking the time to reply, and I am sending lots of strength for your situation whether you decide to stay or go xx
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Im still here with my husband and my goodness yes I feel so angry with myself for a wasted life all that I couldve been and done all that Ive missed out on yep I get it all sweetie I really do.
I feel its far too late for me now this is me my forever.You are out though and you should be so proud of yourself for that from what ive read its never easy even when you have left the pain lingers and the memories too so be gentle with yourself you are allowed down days its a long road you are on but you are most definatly walking in the right direction. Regret I guess doesnt help us heal so we have to find a way to forgive ourselves we all do what we believe is right and thats all we can do. I recently faced a man who really hurt me as a young adult and although I ever said anything to him I could tell he didnt care what he had done to me he had no remorse he had gotten on with his life whilst I always suffered with what he had done.
It isnt fair at all that they can carry on as you have said and we feel this way for a long long time but anger wont help us either I guess. Like I said you have to find a way to forgive yourself sweetie be proud of who you are now not who you couldve been. Best wishes xxxxx-
Thank you so much nbumblebee, you are so right that they just don’t care and will never accept what they’ve done, so why do we keep waiting for them to and grieiving all that was lost? I guess it is a process. Like you say these feelings and the anger will just eats us up and we need to accept how things are now, be proud of who we are not who we couldve been i like that, because who we could have been is actually not real. I’m sorry you are still in such a difficult position, and had to face that man. Not getting closure in the way we want it is so hard but like you say closure can happen in other ways cant it. You sound so strong even though you are in the middle of it. Sending you strength back foe your journey xxxx
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