Feeling closed off

[Theydeservethebest]

I made an appointment with my gp for today, a phone appointment. To talk to them about the verbal and emotional abuse. And then I got scared that it would spiral into other people being contacted or that it would be no help so I cancelled it. I spoke to someone on another forum and they said if I spoke to my doctor they would probably call social services and I panicked.
I’m in a huge self doubt spiral that I’ve wound myself up into and my partner is playing superdad today and extremely caring partner. I know really it’s just a stage but I’ve lost confidence about how to leave.
I can’t get through on the phone line for help or the live chat and I’m limited what times I can talk. I think I just have to stay calm, try and accrue money and quietly prepare.
I’ve found local storage that I could possibly have our things put into and I am going to pack documents etc and hide them. I will do the softly softly approach partly through being a coward, partly through not wanting to traumatise my kids.
Obviously if anything else occurs I will call police or something like that but I’ve gone back into myself over it. I had to I was becoming a wreck. And now I feel like a bad mum because I ought to leave but I know they won’t feel that way about it. They think the sun shines out of daddy at the moment.
I’ve been reading a couple of the books recommended on here and they have helped.
The children are very happy so I feel bad for all this.

[Iwantmeback]

Hey there, softly softly is a perfect way to approach this. You do what’s right fir you and someone else’s method would be right fir them. You’re not a bad mum, you’re a protective mum and the children will feel a lot different once you all leave. Have you tried contacting a more local WA centre instead. Look up when daddy hurts mummy by Lundy Bancroft as well as his other book, why does he do that. A good father would not abuse his children’s mum, end of. Children work through their problems emotionally,I’m sure it’s not until about the age of 25 that how they work out problems reaches emotional maturity. So if they hear you shouting or crying, they’ll assume responsibility and try to fix it. They might side with their dad and it’ll feel like they’re ganging up on you. Your children may act out what they hear and see with each other. They too also walk on eggshells, feel sick, maybe have headaches. So leaving is the better option to prevent a future generation of abuser/abused. But it’s you who decides when, noone else. Get your ducks in a row so to speak, when it’s right fir you, you’ll get away from this.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞
Ps meant to add that unless your gp feels the children are in any danger, social services wouldn’t be contacted. They actually work very hard to keep the children’s lives as normal as possible. But if they are that means your husband is probably more dangerous than you think. We minimise their behaviour so much, it’s why once the threat is over with that we have difficulty remembering what happened or what even started the whole situation.

[Theydeservethebest]

I will definitely look that up, thankyou. I’m trying to go at my pace so I feel in control and not overwhelmed.
As I’ve said before, my plan is to be clear so I can have a lovely quiet Christmas with the kids. Just us.
It’s interesting that you say after we’ve minimised behaviour we find it hard to remember. I’ve found recently I can’t even recall what’s started things off and I’ve been going strangely blank.

[Iwantmeback]

Its one of the reasons tbe police have been re educated in how they interview survivors. Before their questions were too what was said done. Now it’s more do you remember anything, they realise that part of our brain closes down due to trauma, so you might remember a smell or a colour or a sound instead. Its a way of surviving abuse, once we feel safer our brain starts to process what happened. That’s why we have nightmares, difficulty sleeping, concentrating. The same feelings we experience living with the abuse. Be kind to yourself, eat little and often if you can’t face bigger meals or cooking. Not eating won’t matter either. My appetite is still pretty poor but im not starving. I remember thinking before I left that I’ll never spend another Christmas like the one I did, before I left. I didn’t, I left and it was the so much better. I saw family and felt happier than I had in a long time. This year I’ll be in my own place, I may even put up a tree this year. So yes it’s good to have something to aim for too. Have you tried mind mapping, or practicing the law of attraction. (Some refer to it as the secret).
Keep posting we’ll help you, stand beside you every step of the way.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Theydeservethebest]

Oh I do like the idea that this Christmas I could hopefully mentally lift a toast to you in your peaceful home from me in mine 😊
I’ll have a look at mapping I have no idea what it is.
Very true about certain things setting off memories. Unfortunately this happened earlier and I remembered something I’d totally forgotten and it made me feel terrible. But it’s more to remember to get us out of here.
Thankyou for replying

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