feeling completely confused

[darkeyes]

I’m not sure what to say here, I still find this very strange and confusing, I wonder what has bought me here but I also know deep down exactly why.
He is a good person and has done so much for me. but in certain situations he leaves me feeling very uncomfortable and anxious.
I worry about telling him that I’m doing something without him because his whole demeanour changes as soon as I say, he will go from happy to serious and wants to know what my exact plan is, he doesn’t tell me he doesn’t want me to go but he says things to almost put me off of the idea of going.
I go anyway, but I’m left feeling guilty for it.
He’s very jealous and possesive.
He says he trusts me but not other people, which to me does not make sense, I know I won’t do anything so who cares about the other people, it takes two.
If I mention anything about his behaviour and how it makes me feel he always has an answer, a reason for being this way.
Feeling very confused, this wasn’t the person I used to know. I feel like I’m going mad. My mental health isn’t great so this makes me doubt what I’m thinking, but then maybe it’s not great because of all of this.
Is this normal?

[nbumblebee]

Hey I wanted to reach out and say hello.
There are others on here much better at advice than I am but I didnt want you to keep worrying.
You are not going crazy this is normal.
You have reached out as you know something is not right. Have a read at some posts on here see if any of them stike a cord with you. We all have different experiences but ultimatly we all also experience similar things.
Knowledge is power the more you leaen the more you will understand and you can then work out a plan to deal with his behaviour in the beat way for you. There are some incredable ladies on here busting with advice listen and learn sweetie you are not alone now xx

[darkeyes]

Thank you nbumblebee x
Hard to accept that someone I’ve loved for (detail removed by moderator) could be this way.
And sad that many more go through similar experiences.

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie i hear ya been with mine (detail removed by moderator). I get how you are feeling. Much love x

[Medusa]

Hi darkeyes
You are certainly not alone. I am going through the same thought process at the moment. My husband has not been violent with me but at times verbally abusive when he gets randomly angry about something (detail removed by moderator). More prominent are his subtle comments and little lies that I probably learned to just accept.
It is such a confusing time when you start challenging yourself about whether your relationship of many years may not at all be built on trust and equality. Here are some examples that I have noticed:
– he says he has never stopped me seeing friends (and he hasn’t) but he makes comments about how I prioritize friends and when we travel to my home country I only care about seeing friends and family
– he says(detail removed by moderator) when I challenge his verbal abuse
– he turns my current poor mental health into subtle comments to suggest that he has spoken to his therapist about me and she thinks I am  (detail removed by moderator). I would say I am depressed but not in any way not suitable to be with my children. That comment really scared me
– now that he knows something is up he says that (detail removed by moderator) loan. Doesn’t mean anything legally but a way to try to keep me stay out

I am reading ‘why does he do that’ it’s an eye opener. You can download as pdf for free.

You will find a lot of support here. I’ll keep an eye out for posts from you, think we’re in a very similar situation x*x

[Author]

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