Feeling empty

[Wantingpeace]

So far I have had so much good advice on here by lots of lovely ladies and now I need to know if this feeling is normal… After a couple months of leaving him I finally get the house on the market. Up until this point he probably thought that I would cave in and go back to him like I’ve done a million times before. But it feels like since the house has gone on the market he has just given in to the fact that im not goung back. Apart from a couple of “house related” texts the daily entourage of texts, whether they are abusive or loving have finally stopped and it feels completely alien . It’s as if my right arm has been cut off and I’m completely lost without it. I find myself looking at my phone every 5 minutes to see whether he has text and I’m wondering all the time what he is doing and whether this feeling of being empty is me missing him. I start to constantly think of the good times we had and it makes me feel so sad. Whilst feeling like this I’m trying to remind myself about all the horrific abuse, physical, verbal and mental he has caused which out ways all the good times by far. I wish I could stay positive but its so so hard 🙁

[minimeerkat]

yes its completely normal.
in my own experience (police, solicitors) when something happens & the abuser realizes he just cannot control you any longer, it does goes quiet.
breaking the bonds formed with an abuser can bring intense withdrawal symptoms (cravings for the person, compulsive thoughts about what happened etc).
try if you can to keep bringing yourself back to the actual reality of what happened when you feel you are missing him & the good times – focus on particular incidents that wounded you, either mentally, physically or both. it can sometimes be enough to snap you out of it. because the relationship was intentionally littered with those good times, not only to confuse you but to strengthen these bonds that you are now having difficulty with.
hope you are still having some counselling. and you are so very lucky to have the love & support of your family.
it will take some time but eventually get easier without any form of contact at all.
big hug from me x

[Wantingpeace]

Thank you again minimeerkat for some much need support. Its reassuring to know that these feelings are a normal process of leaving an abusive relationship.
Big hug sent back to you xx

[StrongLife]

I understand this totally.

Yes there was good times however I reminded myself the realistic picture of what “daily life” was like not the rosy picture. Initially the break up did not settle in for a while as it was extremely busy initially doing things as you have said to do with house, finances etc. I carried a lot of fault with me as compared to now. When I got to a safe place – it took a while – the situation changed and I could start recovering attending counseling etc to help me through. Not seeing him and no contact helped with this and I could see my life and situation as it is. I could see that situation back then for what it was as see what I was putting up with. I’m now at another point where I’m looking back and it is far far different.

Hope this all helps.

[Wantingpeace]

Thank you StrongLife. I guess it’s true what they say about time being a great healer. I just cant see passed the jumbled mess in my head at the moment. I feel weak, confused, sad, tearful, lost and broken and can’t imagine not feeling this way x

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