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Just feel like I am in a never ending cycle of work, doing all the work at home whilst my OH gets back, then drinks and shouts orders at me, never helps out with anything but makes sure that I have no time for me.
Whatever I do, its not enough, or I’ve done something wrong and need to re-do it. He will go out drinking as well for hours but I am not invited as I have a list of chores I have to do.
He makes sure I have very little money for myself, but he has a substantial amount that only he has access to.
He plays loud music whenever he wants, even if I already have music on. What he wants is always more important. He will drive very fast whenever he wants to, with the attitude of he will do whatever he wants.
I am constantly walking on eggshells whenever I am around him and I worry a lot about getting out. I know that I need to. But I don’t know how I am going to pay for it, where I will be able to go, what about getting to work etc
Then I wonder if its me who is over reacting as everyone who knows him, thinks he is a great person and can do no wrong in their eyes. I hardly catch any sleep either I find it so hard to wind down.
I feel like a shadow of my former self -
Sorry you are goings through this, he sounds aweful and you are absolutely not overreacting!
My ex also portrayed himself perfectly to the outside world and he’d make sure whatever he did at home was never mentioned to anyone with threats so when I started to tell some close friends their jaws dropped.
Do you have kids?
If not, then just leave. You can rent a room and find any work that you can get to and start over. Try to see it as an adventure and an opportunity to find yourself, find independence and freedom. Nothing will be as terrifying as what you are experiencing at home now…
With kids I guess may take some more planning but also possible. Get support, get inspiration from what you read here, it’s extremely difficult but this is no way to live. It took so long to see it, wish I had found this space sooner…
Good luck x
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