Feeling exhausted by the cycle

[Chasingthelight]

Hi I’m new, I don’t think I can do this on my own any more so I joined here to not feel so desperately lonely and isolated in my abusive relationship which I am still here in. I’m reading posts that I feel I could’ve written, I thought it was just me going through this and I had questions I am finding answers to. I have been in my relationship for many many years, just the last couple that have opened my eyes after he tried to strangle me a while ago now, everything else has been emotional not physical and I am realising this is getting worse every day the emotional things and the threats and my children and others are affected by his abusive behaviour and if I’m honest I know it’s never going to get better. Reading about others being pressured into sex to keep the peace and other stuff I feel I am reading about me. I dream about waking up in a morning being free, and not dreading the day/my life and what mood he will be in and who I will be saving that day once he has reaked his havok. I thought I could fix him, I read that on other posts too, I can’t believe others have felt like this, at the moment I’m exhausted and see no end, I know there are good and bad periods and this is a bad one – please comfort me that this feeling will not last forever xx

[Lisa]

Hi Chasingthelight,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I hope joining the forum has helped with feeling less alone with this. you deserve to be free and to not be treated in this way. There is lots of support out there and I would encourage you to reach out where you can.

If you are not already I would encourage you to link in with your local domestic abuse service. They can provide you with ongoing support and can asisst you with making a plan to leave- when you feel ready of course.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes

Lisa

[pigeonperson]

Hey, Chasingthelight,

It won’t last forever. You will be free. You will look back with such a sense of relief and freedom. Acknowledging that you are being abused is the first step to freedom.

When I went on the Freedom Programme, it amazed me how similar all our stories were. It felt like we were almost telling each other our own story. If you can get a place on the Freedom Programme (they also do online courses) that will really strengthen your resolve to leave. It helped me so much.

Try reading Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. That’s the handbook that comes with the Freedom Programme. It taught me that they know exactly what they are doing. They know they are controlling and abusing us. They rely on our love for them to keep us trapped. They think of us as subhuman because we are female.

I thought I could help mine too. I thought he had mental health problems from his difficult childhood and he blamed his abuse on that, asking and begging me to help him stop hurting me! It was such a cruel mind game. Mental illness, alcohol or drug addiction, are NOT reasons, justifications or excuses to abuse anyone! I used to be so happy when my ex stopped drinking. Then he’d abuse me anyway!

He calculatedly manipulated me into believing that if he smoked w*** that he was relaxed and reasonable. I lent him huge sums of my own money so he could buy it, thinking if he smoked w*** that there would be peace! How wrong I was. He still abused me. That in itself was abuse! He never paid me back! Just the smell of it these days makes me feel ill.

Ugh.

Strangulation is very dangerous. Please seek support and make a safety plan to leave asap.

You have made a brave step reaching out for support here. Keep reaching out, keep posting and do not feel sorry for him. He’s an abuser and you and your children deserve freedom from him.

Your kids will benefit from counselling too. I hope there’s some counselling for children available in your area. Schools can often provide counselling, as can some domestic abuse charities and organisations, as well as social services.

Wishing you all the best on your journey towards a life free from abuse. You can do this!

[Eyeswideopen]

Hi
So sorry you are going through this.
You are understood here and I hope some of our stories help offer you some insight to acknowledge the abuse and try to find your path out.
I was physically abused and guess my story was the one about having sex for peace… I cant believe that was my life.
Many times it feels like it’s impossible and almost like its more painful to try to leave than to give in and stay, but you will be so happy when you are free!
I’ve been on this journey for 19 months and hopefully at last steps but still feel fear and anxiety wondering what might trigger him again.
Keep sharing here.

[Chasingthelight]

Thank you so much everybody for your words and support, it just helps me realise I am not alone and I can do this. Some days it’s fine but other days I just need to hear this ❤️ x

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