Feeling let down by the support system

[SunsetSunrise]

Can someone please tell me where the support actually is after leaving an abusive partner??

I managed to gather the courage to leave my abusive ex after (detail removed by Moderator) years of torture. In the end I was completely reliant on him everyway, which made leaving impossible yet I did it anyway, not to mention the debt hes racked up in my name. I packed up my children and I left with nowhere to go. The (detail removed by Moderator) of us are now staying in a friends spare room. I have contacted every support agency I can think of. Refuge, the council, citizens advice, health visitors and the list goes on. Every single one just passes me from person to person not caring in the slightest that I am a human being and my life has litterally crumbled around me. The only help I have had is through the counsellor I referred myself to through the NHS. She was even told by a domestic abuse ambassador that because i have left the home they can not help me!!!! I have done what every single support agency encourages you to do. I left. Yet now I have none of you care!! This is why people go back to their abusers because the actual support given afterwards is non existent. What makes it even worst is that I know if I did go back social services would be involved quicker than I could click my fingers. You enable abusers to continue there behaviour by not supporting the ones that try to save themselves ensuring the victim returns to them. Feeling let down doesn’t even come close.

[Lisa]

Hi SunsetSunrise,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting about what you’ve been going through and how you’re feeling. It takes a lot of strength to continue to reach out for support when you’re feeling passed around and not being given what you need.

I’m so sorry to read that you’re feeling let down and not even really seen, let alone supported. That’s not the experience you should expect to have when reaching out to services. You should always be able to expect domestic abuse to be taken seriously and be able to access specialist support based around your particular needs. You’ve taken some amazing steps already and you deserve to be supported to continue.

I hope that the support from other survivors here on the forum, based on their own experiences, can provide some guidance and helps you feel less alone with what’s happening.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
(Forum Moderator)

[Eggshells]

I know exactly what you mean.

When I was in an abusive relationship there was lots of support around how valuable I was, what I should expect from a loving relationship, what was not OK in a relationship. I felt very supported and it gave me the confidence to leave.

Once I’d left the support vanished.  My IDVA called once in a blue moon, I had no help or support with housing, money or getting a job – all which I desperately needed.

I had (detail removed by Moderator) different addresses in 2 years and was officially homeless (detail removed by Moderator). I ended up, at one point, living with my abusive mother.

Once I’d left all support (except NHS counselling) dropped away.

There was no safety net and I felt duped.

The only advice I can give you is:

1. Don’t go back.

2. Accept that there will be a period of hardship and the support services wont support you.  Forge forward and find your own way. It is long and it’s exhausting but it’s better than abuse.

I don’t feel that the support agencies have any idea what women really need.

I have never, ever been asked for client feedback except for feedback on how this forum helped and that was only to help secure funding.

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