Feeling like I cannot face the day

[just breathing]

It is really hard and I feel like whatever I do and sayit is ridiculed and he is still controlling everything, even how the children react. He will constantly say lies, event hough they are done in a certain way – if I just have soup for lunch he says “oh look, Mum is starving herself because she does not want to be with you”, it sounds silly but it is constant. He still has all the finances inlcuding the account in my name and refuses to give me the password he has. He says that if I do anything or react he will say I mental – as he tells his family and the kids – and I wont see them again. My eldest says she thinks my feelings are ridiculous as he has normalised the criticism, any single interaction involves mocking me, luaghing at me or saying I am wrong. They say people have the right to tell people they are wrong, that is what he told them. I am just broken and don’t know what to do. He said as he has all the money he can buy them thing.s

[KIP.]

You need to get out. Contact women’s aid for a safe exit plan. While you are there he will use the children to hurt you and watch it happen. Take your passport to the bank where your account is and move the money to a new account. Get some good legal advice too. Don’t believe a word he says. Financially abusing someone is illegal so I would report him to the police too.

[Aida]

This is like reading my life back at me. It’s heartbreaking and all engineered to make you doubt yourself and feel isolated. My eldest said to me the other day ‘what has dad done?’ ‘It’s not that bad’ ‘dad said you don’t want to try’ – these are all tactics to make you feel like you are over reacting and being unreasonable. Keep posting here to keep your strength up. I have started to record conversations we have – not to show the children but to remind myself of how bad it gets when he starts playing nice and the doubt creeps in. I have also started a journal on my phone. Not sure if this is an option as an outlet for you but it helps to track back and remember things when the children question you in a ‘fog’ day. Stay strong and believe in yourself. X

[KIP.]

Talk to your GP. Feeling trapped and abused can often show itself as depression.

[diymum@1]

this is him undermining you as their mum. these men are good at isolating us very slowly to the ones we love the most. what better way to truly hurt someone right? its actually disgusting – my ex did this to my eldest from day one really – had her in on critising me it got worse as she got older and our relationship is lost. please dont let it get to this stage. (i was so blinded by the fog i did not see this outcome coming at all) she was the same he conditioned he into thinking because i was weak i deserved to be treated like something on his shoe. as the ladies here say call womens aid and make a new start this is so damaging xx i got out and got my youngest away it took a while but youll get there too xxxx sending you strength your the good parent here remember xx

[Lisa]

Hi there Just breathing, I wanted to offer some support.I am very sorry to hear about this, it is such cruel behaviour and you do not deserve to be treated like this. It must be so difficult for you now that your children have picked up on the abuse and he is saying inappropriate things to them and encouraging them to take part.

Do talk to your GP about how the abuse is making you feel. Remember you can get some ongoing practical and emotional support from your local domestic abuse service. You can find their details here

Best wishes

Lisa

[just breathing]

Thank you everyone it is amazing to feel like it isn’t me x I think the constancy if it this weekend, I had to go for mri scan on my brain and he was just on and on with negativity at me. I appreciate your support very much. I met gives me strength

[Author]

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