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So, I’m almost done writing my witness statement for the occupation order, that has been so painful and made me feel such a fool to see in writing how I’ve allowed him to treat me, and to realise I could write so much more too. Pages and pages.
I guess it needs tidying up, and putting in the form of legaleze, I’m not sure. More research coming.
Anyway, I prevaricate (I’m so good at that lately). I just feel like a horrible person for doing it. I’ll effectively be putting him on the streets.
He’s made absolutely no effort to find anywhere, or reach out for help to any organisation, and I don’t think he believes I’m going to do anything. I just know he’s going to act the whole martyr thing when the order is served, and he’ll say I didn’t tell him ‘properly’ or that he couldn’t have known I actually meant it, or similar things.
I don’t know whether to tell his family (elderly parents) beforehand, because I don’t think he’ll tell them. Either that or he’ll be back on their doorstep as soon as he realises it is all real.
It looks as if I’m not going to get it in to the court until after Christmas now by the time I write it up in a coherent and chronological way, so I suppose at least I won’t be spoiling their Christmas with the news.
That also makes me feel bad, that I’ll have to tell them this news.
He’s not love bombing right now. I think he realises I’m wise to that and it actually makes me more determined. However, he’s also not drinking (ran out of money and I hide my bank card, car keys and any cash really well every night), and is being very passive and quietly behaved.
He still does nothing around the house, and won’t clean up after himself (sandwich crumbs etc.) but this makes me feel like I’m turfing him out into the cold only because he doesn’t do chores.
I know there’s so very much more behind why I want him gone, and that he is extremely unlikely to stop with the lying, the stealing the taking, and the draining of my spirit. However that doesn’t stop the empathetic, compassionate part of me as a person picturing him homeless on the streets in mid-winter.
I really need to get past that somehow so I can push onward and actually file that request for the order.
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It’s amazing how we trivialize their behaviour so much isn’t it. If it was just about tidying up the mess they leave, we could handle that. But it’s more than likely to be the stick that broke the camel’s back so to speak. funny enough my oh isn’t love bombing either. Being thoughtful in regards my chronic pain, taking dishes in, not doing them but at least lifting them, still leaves a mess after making stuff though.
He won’t be on the street, he’ll go back to his folks, I don’t know where mine would go, don’t think his pride would let him chap doors. His parents are no longer here, and he has very little to do with his siblings. I’m trying to hold off until I get word of a house, then will start moving things along. If push comes to shove I know people who know people, just don’t like doing that. My oh recently said that he’d been looking at flats or was going to start looking, as I had no intentions of leaving. I’ve been reading old diaries and we’ve been having that scenario fir years.
Did you find a template for your statement. I tried to write one but don’t feel it’s enough, and it took me 4 hours to do, like you I could’ve continued til doomsday and it still wouldn’t have been finished. I’ve tried to make it sounds as factual as possible since the courts are only interested in facts but it just sounds so petty and pathetic.
I wish you the very best of luck and strength to do what has to be done. It really is not easy😔IWMB 💕💕
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Hi there, try to bury your guilt he Brough you to this point unfortunately. Your a good person but it’s time to put your own life first now. We only get one shot at this life and he’s draining it out of you. I sometimes look up at the beautiful sky, the trees the world is an amazing place and we’re put on it to experience that. It’s up to him now, I’m sure he will pick himself up, he has his parents too. He’s not your responsibility any more. Like KIP said to me and I tell myself this now every day! BTW thanks KIP -it’s time to get the oxygen mask on when the planes going down. Like in the last thread it’s a tough world out there people wise, it’s every man for himself to let us recover. Your doing the absolute right thing ☺💪💪be strong xx❤diy
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Hi, thank you for the support. I like that analogy about the oxygen mask, I’ll keep that in mind. That’s going to really help I think.
I’ve tried to tie in my evidence to how things made me feel, how his actions disintegrated my confidence and served to isolate me, and how that has affected certain areas in my life. For each behaviour I have tried to explain why it was abusive or why it accumulated with other behaviours to become abuse.
For example, how he subtly caused a rift between myself and my son not long after both my parents passed away so that I was grieving not only for them, but my son too in a way. How that made me more vulnerable and how he exploited that.
Also, how he would be ‘moody’ prior to any event (party etc.) and would engineer a row, so he’d look great and happy at the event and I’d look awful and not interact much because of it, thereby causing people to see me as miserable, and me to not want to attend events in future, effectively isolating me further.
How I stopped going for promotion boards at work because he would work hard to ensure I was exhausted and emotionally drained before the interviews, and detailing the behaviours he used to do so.
etc. etc.There’s an example witness statement for applying for a non-molestation order here.
I have adapted it to fit my own situation. (detail removed by moderator)
The paragraph numbers will change once I’ve got my statement in there and numbered all the paragraphs properly.
I hope it’s enough, I really do.
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