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I haven’t posted here in a while, I guess we’ve just been cruising and I’ve been hoping he would magically leave. I guess it was just waiting to happen. After working from home and taking a call which turned into me apparently flirting with my colleague, things have once again blown up. He refuses to leave without one of the kids and I’m not sure what to do next. I don’t think he should get either of them full time but neither of us can agree on what should happen. I worry that if we go to court he will get custody of at one of them as I will still be afraid to say the full truth. I also refrain from contacting the police as we are on our last warning before it goes to child protection services I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel I am not doing right by me or the kids and don’t know why it’s not enough for me to do the right thing and end it once and for all.
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Hi Drainedallthetime,
It’s so difficult when abusers use their children as part of their control. I can feel how stuck this is making you feel. It can be really helpful to get some legal advice to be more sure of your rights and how the law works around custody decisions. Rights of Women have resources on their website and a family law advice line. They work with an awareness of domestic abuse in all they do. Coram’s Child Law Advice website has information on all kinds of law as it relates to children. They also have ways to contact them directly if you need further advice.
Social Services involvement can seem really scary, especially when you’re experiencing domestic abuse and any risk of further loss of control is deeply felt. Abusers often use it as a threat to stop their partners from getting help. The reality is that their focus should be on your children’s wellbeing and removing the danger to them, which is him, not you. You deserve to be able to call the police to help you keep safe whenever you need to. If you’re not already in touch with them, you could look to reach out to your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support. These services differ but many help with accessing legal advice and are also able to provide advocacy in communicating with Social Services, should that become necessary.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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