Feeling lost

[Benson]

Hi Ladies, I haven’t posted for a few weeks as have been trying to put everything to the back of my mind for a while and concentrate on my child. We did it, we went away, something I am really proud of doing and we created some great memories. I now know what a family holiday should be like! I still have court case in the distance and trying hard to keep that in the back of my mind-(Detail removed by Moderator). But have had contact from police this week- they are sending a piece of evidence back to me via the post. I know it could be useful (Detail removed by Moderator), but I know it is going to be upsetting to recieve it, as well as triggering those painful memories that I keep trying to block out. I just wish this could all end so I can just heal and get on with life. Tonight just feeling lost with all these emotions resurfacing once again!

[she-ra]

Ah Benson bless you. You will be ok, and there is light at the end of the tunnel for you. So wonderful that you had a great family holiday and created memories. You will treasure them always. When you receive your package could you not open it and put it somewhere out of sight to help you keep focused on the positive things, or have it delivered somewhere else? Maybe plan something for the day it comes so you are busy and don’t really have to think about it. Good luck and sending you big hugs, you can do this! x*x

[Benson]

Thanks, I don’t really want to open it at the moment, so when it arrives may just put parcel away to when I may need it. I am trying to stay focuses do and strong – I feel so annoyed at myself for letting these things get to me!

[lover of no contact]

Hi Benson,

Delighted to hear from you. I was getting a little worried so great to hear you were on holiday and had a lovely time and precious time away with your little girl. You have come so far in a such a short space of time. Its normal to be triggered by anything to do with your abuser. I used to get triggered getting the letters from the bank etc to do with anything he was involved with, because I know he never had my best interests at heart so it would never be good news anything to do with him. But the longer I’m away from him and have no contact with him the less things I encounter to do with him so the triggers are only the very odd time. So believe me with time it will get better.

You are really doing amazing and this is testament to the wonderful person you are, and your little girl is lucky to have you. And believe me to have withstood his continuous and relentless harassment of you in so many ways where he was trying to break you shows your strength. And you kept a job despite it all! This parcel is a set-back but you’ve coped with a lot worse and you’ll move through the feelings when you receive this piece of evidence in hopefully a day.

Post when you receive it and we will support you through this.

[Benson]

Thanks lover of no contact for your support. Your kind words keep me believing that I can get through this latest hurdle, and yes I will post when I recieve it as the support on here is all have. The police were also going to send back another piece of evidence, but I told them I did not want it- a weopan- what was I going to do with it? Use it to cut my bread?
Today I have been looking through Ho,I day pictures, can’t believe how far I have come, it was best thing I have done in a long time. I was able to wear shorts and swimwear, something I have not been able to wear for along time and since returning home I have worn shorts in the garden- I am beginning to have the confidence to wear what I want to wear again. The biggest thing I noticed was that I laughed, and the photos prove it! I was never able to laugh aloud as was told that I was an embarrassment when I did so, so just stopped. But on holiday I laughed – I haven’t done this for so long. I am going to treasure the holiday moments and continue to build on them. My next hurdle is to be able to watch the tv – I am still unable to even turn it on!!

Thanks again for all the support

[Author]

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