Feeling low

[solivagant]

I’m coming close to end of pregnancy now it 1st baby and the father (my ex) is determinedly still Harrising me, sending me messages. He said he’s going to be in area around due date and for (detail removed by moderator) after which makes me feel sick to the bone!

I wish I’d never told him I was pregnant and just had the baby. I feel like I’ve failed as a mother because I can’t protect it from him.

I’m tired of his manipulation and his games. Why must he go on torturing me? He sends overly nice messages to ensure that he will get the out come he wants… (hes insisting on taking me to court for 50/50 custody at least) how can I protect it from such a master manipulator?

I just want all this to end

[KIP.]

Block him completely and report any further contact to the police. Don’t message him or give him any ammunition to use against you and don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Abusers are liars. Contact your local women’s aid and let your midwife and doctor know he’s an abuser and dangerous x

[KIP.]

Threatening a pregnant woman is appalling so keep any evidence you have. He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the child. You could consider a non molestation order to prevent him contacting you. This should be a happy time for mum and baby. Lean on those closest to you who you can trust x

[solivagant]

I did report it to police, they said its not harassment as its not threatening! When I call the police they say it is and when I actually speak to a local officer they say its not…
The police recommended that i get him to message through a 3rd party because i have to update him on the baby’s health so thats what he is doing now…

[KIP.]

Why do you have to update him on the baby’s health? You really need to get legal advice. He has threatened you with court. That’s threatening and controlling behaviour. Using a third party to update him will mean he can’t abuse you directly so will give you some breathing space. If you tell him not to contact you and he continues to do so that’s harrassment and stalking behaviour. Do you have support from women’s aid? Change your phone number and don’t let him have it.

[solivagant]

I did get legal advice and they said the same thing that I had to inform him on babys update… there’s only been a couple of updates and all they said was that baby was well and that about it really. There was no encouraging him to respond or anything like that…

No I’m not finically dependant on him. Nor has he put a penny towards getting any of baby’s basics (even when we were together) despite saying that he wants to ensure baby wants for nothing…
I’d much rather baby be safe than have his money

[KIP.]

Is he supporting you financially? Sometimes this threat of 50/50 is them trying to avoid financial responsibility.

[KIP.]

Absolutely but his having to pay financially may be a bargaining tool for you. Keep an open mind. He should be legally contributing. If you make things as difficult for him as possible after taking legal advice he may not be as keen.

[solivagant]

Hopefully he’s all talk…
The advice I get given often contradicts itself so its very hard to know best thing to do is!

[Author]

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