Feeling so so lost

[Notmyrealname]

I keep going through the motions every day but I could just break down at any moment. I can’t face my daily tasks, the kids come home from school and I make excuses to leave the room and be busy. I can’t even be a good mum anymore. Everything, literally everything feels impossible for me and too hard to deal with. I’m angry and snappy at the people that don’t deserve it. I hate myself.

[Bananaboat]

Oh lovely, I’m sorry you feel like this. I’m not sure if you’re still with a partner who is displaying abusive behaviour or if you’re out of a relationship but eitherway you’re not alone. Believe it or not you are a super strong person for surviving abuse, and it’s ok to not be able to cope with everything alone. We can only carry so much before we need a helping hand – remember the game buckaroo? It’s like that and it might be something daft that breaks you, but you’re only 1 person with a finite amount of mental space & health.

Sometimes the routine itself has become a survival/coping mechanism and just breaking that routine can work wonders, just going for a walk at a different time or taking a different route. But also sometimes you need help via medication or counselling, depression is very common is our experiences and just like you wouldn’t walk around with a broken leg and not get medical help, same applies for your mental health. Whatever route you take know that emotions are just like the weather, just because it’s raining today doesn’t mean it always will, the sun will come out again. x

[searchingforhope]

I think the routine does help. HAs helped me keep myself sane. But also contributes to me putting my head in the sand and keep going and going and going and ignoring the reality as all I want to do is hide from it.

Remind yourself nothing is permanent, I’m trying to do that right now, but I know how hard it is, I’m there too. I’m snappy lately too and then the guilt gets too much, as the kids deserve a happy Mom.
I can see that life, just need to figure out how to get to it.

You will too. Don’t lose hope. There are better days ahead

Sending you love xx

[Author]

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