Feeling very down

[longjourneylife]

I am so grateful for the help I’ve received, is it normal to still feel like you’re not progressing? I still feel there is an outside Rule I don’t know about ), but is happening to me. I feel rubbish. Still not a person. No one will ever know me really, or care to.

[Shaishai]

I’m so sorry you feel like this. I still have days like this decades after I left him. It’s a massive thing to deal with but I promise it won’t always feel like this. There will be ups and downs. Have you had any form of counselling for this? That may help you at least process some of what you have dealt with.

We are all hear to talk to. Don’t let this keep you down. You are an awesome person, always remember that ❤️ x

[longjourneylife]

Thank you for the positive response Shaishai. I keep hoping I’ll somehow get over all this and be ok again, but I know I’m changed, just don’t know who I’m going to end up being longer term…just overwhelmed again today. Xx

[longjourneylife]

Oh and still on waiting list for councilling…it’s a long wait …months and months.

[Shaishai]

I hope you get onto counselling soon. I brought a wellbeing diary/journal from Tesco which had prompts of things to put. It included a positive bit of things from today I am proud of (or similar). I found that writing each section helped, especially thinking of things that I am proud of.

I hope you are feeling slightly better today. You have got this x

[Twisted Sister]

Hello longjourneylife

Sending (((((hugs))))) I hope it helps to read and talk here, to know that other women do feel the same as you, and struggle for a long time in their efforts to overcome their experiences of abuse.

We are all in this same boat together, paddling along, sometimes the water feels too strong to paddle against, and sometimes its calmer, and sometimes we just need to lift the oars and float for a while as others do a bit of paddling for us.

I wasn’t sure what you meant by ‘outside rule’ so then wasn’t sure what you meant by ‘its happening to me’.

Maybe I’m reading this wrong, but would like to try to understand if I can in case I can offer any other ideas too.

warmest wishes

ts

[longjourneylife]

Hi TS, thank you for replying, I get so few moments to type that it somehow knocked off some of what I wrote. Essentially it feels like people have forgotten what I’m going through and I’m ok ( like IVDA who had left me for a number of weeks for holiday, now changed job) and their appointed solicitor still hasn’t sent anything and it’s been months! I don’t get it, or do they all just play some kind of waiting game and see if you sink or swim? I feel I’m sinking …or am I rushing to trying to be settled when I too have to patiently wait to sink? It’s confusing. I need stability and a life, but feel I’m not being allowed to truly escape, he still can get to me …

[Twisted Sister]

What you’re describing does, yes, sound all too familiar. No, I wouldn’t say there’s any plan out there to see if you wait patiently, to sink or swim.

I would read them by their actions, and your IVDA has just dropped you by the sound of it, without so much as a word to let you know, or even for anyone else to let you know and follow up with you! This is their bad, not yours. As for your solicitor, this is the job they are charged with, and are instructed by you, so you should know what they are doing. How would you feel about calling them to ask why you have not heard any updates in months?

You could also make contact again with your local DA service and explain that the IVDA seems to have disappeared and its left you feeling completely abandoned, which is what she’s done.

Don’t be scared to take control of your life and the threads of this process, that you are supposed to be at the centre of.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to rush into getting yourself out of where you are so that you can be out of reach of him and be settled somewhere you feel safe away from him. There’s no catch, but part of abuse is this sense of mistrust that it leaves you with, and the doubting yourself instead of seeing clearly that the services have let you down, not personal to you, but because they’ve acted poorly in their support of you, and you deserve better.

Do keep posting and hopefully growing your strength and call these agencies to account to help you.

warmest wishes

ts

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie my heary goes out to you. Im not sure I can help well I know I cant but I didnt want to read and run. I understand a bit I think Im still here fighting for my life whilst living with him and whilst parts are going well the more stronger i get the less I feel I fit in. I feel like I dont belong anymore mutual friends we have known for decades dont feel like my friends anymore I feel like an imposter. I dont know who I am anymore.
I guess now you are out you feel similar right? I have no answer my friend just hugs and kind thoughts, I hope you find some support soon. Take care of you xx

[longjourneylife]

Very sweet of you, thank you. I’m feeling angry again for the first time in a long time and the mistrust of others can be rife. I just wish I’d never met him. I wished I’d left years ago, I wish I wasn’t me anymore… I hope for you that you manage on, so glad at least you have this space, I could have done better if I had this before. You’re so brave. Hugs back at you X

[nbumblebee]

I get all that too I really do I often wish with all I have that this wasnt my life i sit here with him next to me knowing he can turn knowing hes being nice for one reason only and that thought makes me feel so sick but sweetie it is this is my life our life.
As hard as it is as mad as it makes us this is our life. Being angry only hurts ourselves and my goodness havent we hurt enough? Maybe use that anger for good allow it to drive you on help you move foward. Be angry at him show him how you are gonna be just fine now because you will be sweetie you will be ok we all will one day. You left you saw you believed and you got free be proud of that.
Maybe even embrace the new you sometimes new is good right? like a new pair of shoes exciting and fresh.
I hope you manage to get some help sweetie keep on at that you so deserve to heal now you really do.

[Anonymous]

Of course people will want to know you it’s just the possible depression and self esteem issues causing you to feel this way after you’ve been in an abusive situation for a while, they train us to believe we’re worthless oh unless we’re doing something for them, we’re good enough in our own right we just have to remind ourselves more often of it 🤗😗💕

[longjourneylife]

Thank you all lovelies.
It’s so challenging but I do need to remind myself that staying would have ended me.
Will keep working on getting stronger and better! We will all get there, eventually 🙂

[Anonymous]

Yes! brilliant thing to hear 🎉🥂🤗

[lights on]

The best advice I had was from my very supportive GP. “Be patient & kind to yourself and take things at your owns pace. We all heal at different speeds”.
I fully expected a ‘light bulb’ moment but it has been a long, slow (painfully slow at times) process. Feel down at times but I cherish that I am now free to do what I like, when I like, no longer treading on eggshells, too scared to offer a view or opinion. life is mow calm & peaceful without him causing dramas or chaos.
Am sure you will get there, just be kind to yourself.

[longjourneylife]

Thank you all. Unfortunately his control extends out and is effecting my family too, I feel like I’ll never be free, always be duty bound to someone forever. I don’t think I’ll ever be free. I have no wins, no independence, no life and I hurt so bad and feel so alone. IDVA gone so on 6 week wait list for support…non Mol order months away, I don’t understand what I’m trying to achieve here. I just want to be free to live my life out quietly…but it may just never happen.

[Author]

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