Feeling weak and defeated

[Oliverainbow]

Hi Everyone. I have had quite a few rough days resulting in me crying for long periods of time. I wish I could stand up to childrens Fathers but they have no respect for me and when I dont conform the way they speak to me is disgusting. They use bully tactics and I feel really hopeless. I struggle with trying to set boundaries as I’m not listened to and what I say is overruled. But I’m still made out to be the bad person.

I always have the children and they pick and choose when is convenient for them. I’ve been thinking about going down the CSA/CMS route but heard so much bad reviews I worry it will make the situation worse. I’ve got a mountain of debt hanging over my head and no way to pay it back right now as one father refuses to help with childcare.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. It’s a horrendous situation we find ourselves in. Looking at your situation from the outside, I’d try and take control of what’s easiest in a rotten situation, and that’s the debt. I promise once you face that you’ll feel a lot better. I used to have my own business was in debt of well over £(detail removed by moderator), was often told it was my responsibility even though we were both liable. Threatened that I better not lose the house etc absolutely no emotional support at all. I went to my local money matters and got a das scheme set up, think it’s a trust deed in England. Long story short I controlled the debt, it didn’t control me. I’ve also within the past few months left my husband, an living in refuge accommodation at the moment and life is generally better. What I’m trying to say is take baby steps, control what you can. Have you contacted the WA helpline yet or even spoken to your doctor as to how this is all making you feel? Once the secret is out, it’s no longer a secret. These men rely on our fear of them. Since I’ve left him, I can even dangle my feet out of the bed for longer periods. I no longer fear the monster under the bed. Well done in posting, that alone takes a lot of courage to do. Keep reaching out and reading others posts.
Best wishes sweetheart, you are stronger than you realise and more important than what these men realise. Once you see it, you’ll be a force of nature. We are here to talk to, ti vent your frustrations to, anything you need to do to get you through this. Remember this is not your fault and we do what we do to survive.
Love and light IWMB 💞💞

[Anonymous]

hi hunni can i just advise you look into debt management. i stayed too long with the ex due to debt he knew and the abuse got worsein the end i went behind his back and got advise from a company within 1 hour my problems were solved. it gave me the ability and strength to throw him out. my life is getting better by the day. i will private message yoy the company i used x

[fizzylem]

Get the CMA to deal with them re the money; they cant do a thing about it and it will be forgotten in a few weeks time; they will have to let it go as it is done. Means you don’t have to deal with them regarding money. If they’re not going to be responsible parents then let them get on with that – and get someone else to chase them for child support. If they are claiming benefits they will continue to get away with it, but once they start getting paid on a payroll they will have to pay. Scumbags, why would you not want to make sure your child has what he/she needs. Time they grew up the pair of them x

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