Finally happy

[Imadeit2015]

I’m here to share my story as a survivor!!

I was always strong willed when I was younger due to trauma which I suffered previously but came out fighting, this he used against me

It was only a little while after this trauma when I got with my abuser, who was only a little bit older than me. We used to go out drinking together which turned into arguments (always my fault) until I fell pregnant. My abuser continued to drink and started taking drugs!!
I was homeless so placed in temporary housing. Wasn’t ideal but somewhere to live, he argued with the neighbors threatening them which meant I was evicted with our young child.
That didn’t bother him he carried on drinking and taking drugs to the point I was borrowing money off family and friends as his needs were more important than getting our child nappies.
I managed to get housed elsewhere, which was closer to his family and friends (worst mistake I made). Things got worse he was drinking a lot more and becoming more and more violent mentally and physically!!

I fell pregnant again quickly after moving into the new property. Things became worse. He told me how to wear my make up what clothes I should and shouldn’t wear. Telling me people had said nasty things about me etc. just literally demoralising me in anyway possible. When I found out I was pregnant for the second time he told me to get rid or he was leaving!! I thought great this is my escape, he’s going to leave, oh no how wrong could I have been!!
The mental abuse became alot worse and the physical abuse started.
I lost contact with my friends and even family he completely isolated me!!
I went back to work after maternity leave and was working nights. He was heavily drinking by this point would reach for the drink when he opened his eyes until falling asleep blaring music all hours whilst I was working with our children asleep in bed!!
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He consistently moaned about my weight, yet when I would ask him to watch the children so I could join the gym going down the local pub was more important.
I became very low, withdrawn and isolated.
He was abusive towards our children if I said anything, he had a right as he was their father! Great yet another argument with vile behavior and name calling. Being local to his friends it was easier for him to get his fix for drugs. He attempted to do it infront of the children that was it for me!! (detail removed by moderator). Eventually said family member was kicked out of the property to which he turned on me pinning me to the floor by my throat breaking my fingers to try and get the car key. Luckily enough to my rescue the neighbours had called the police. I was stupid enough to not press charges so he was just sent on his way. I was done and didn’t think he would return, however he did! (detail removed by moderator) The family that was there could not believe how he had treated me and said they had never seen him like it. Eventually they left and I went to bed. The next morning I went to collect my children and he called asking what had happened the night before. I told him how vile he was towards me and that I could no longer put up with it. I didn’t want to risk loosing another home or my children. I finally had my strength back. I have had serval restraining orders and have had no contact for several years now. The children continued to visit him through contacted vists until they saw him for what he really was and decided not to continue the contact!!

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I haven’t asked him for anything in relation to raising my children I have solely done it. I have now met someone new and I can finally say I’m happy and being treated right! the children are old enough to contact him themselves. On the one occasion recently he did try coming to my property my partner went to the door and I have not seen him since!!
He’s still drinking heavily and doesn’t really communicate when the children do go to visit. They are at an age they understand what’s happening around them so think this contact may stop again through their choice.

No matter what went on between me and my abuser he is still their sperm donor and I have allowed them to make their own choices.

I broke free along time ago but it has taken me this long to finally say I’m happy. I have a great partner who supports me and my children!!

Sorry for the long post thank you if you have read it all. I just wanted to share my story of getting out and getting back on track. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m definitely not where I was all them years ago.

For anyone going through it my inbox is always open 🙂

[Lisa]

Hi Imadeit2015,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear all about what you went through but glad you are safe now. Reading about how happy you are now is a lovely read- you and your children deserve that.

Abusive men know exactly what they are doing and choose to behave in this way. Its good your children have the freedom to make their own choices. Be kind to yourself- you have definitely come a long way.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Willowzigzag]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It’s lovely to know that you’re well on your way to your true happiness, and now that you can all walk away from the toxic dad. Keep going 🙂

[Author]

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