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Hello, this is my first time reaching out. I’ll summaries as best I can. My husband left (detail removed by Moderator). I caught him out in another lie and he left our home.
He messaged friends implying he was going to end his life they then rang me and I called the police. Who confirmed they had no cause for concern. I had my small children with me so this was difficult. I remained strong and he didn’t come home to my house. He messaged me at the time to say he’s started counselling to help with his addiction do the 12 steps and support for grief etc.
It’s quite a long story he became verbally abusive when my first daughter was (detail removed by Moderator) old he then started to take substances was very Ill and nearly died which caused me to let him back in with the promise he’d get the right support for his addiction.
That didn’t happen he’d make excuses why he was acting funny trying to hide any addiction. Tbh I think he was also not being honest to himself that he had an addiction.
We’d have periods of time where he was fine months in fact then out of the blue he’d be horrible, shout smash things etc.
fast forward a few years and I finally managed to get him to leave his verbal abuse got really bad, financial control and he became physical.
He’s trying really hard to want us to be together he’s not living with us but thinks If he does the counselling and freedom project things will go back to normal. He’s trying to move back in and it’s only been (detail removed by Moderator) weeks. He’s saying that now he’s been honest with me and himself about the addiction a huge weight has been lifted. He also felt like I didn’t love him anymore and that was why he was becoming frustrated etc.
he’s telling me he wants to make me feel emotionally safe around him like before his addiction but due to me having ptsd and severe anxiety he also was ruining my work by making me late and walking out while I was working along with a list of other things. I worked with a psychologist (detail removed by Moderator) which really helped to get me to this point. The pain of separating has been much harder than I anticipated and he’s been so intense with the love bombing.
I wondered if anyone else has experience this he’s telling me all I wanted to hear before but I can’t forget how he’s treated me. Also my children and I are so much calmer without all the drama same with our little dog. The impact without him has been huge he says though he hated the drama too and that will stop. He really doesn’t understand the pain caused to expect to be one big happy family after years of putting me down.
I’m getting support from (detail removed by Moderator) but Just needed help with how to manage him safely atm. I’m putting boundaries in a little at a time to test his reactions to keep us safe.
Thank you for getting this far much love xx -
Look online for a book called, “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft. There’s free versions online if you know where to look. I think you’ll find your answers there.
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