Finally left, but feel so confused.

[Hellothere]

I finally told him I couldn’t take anymore of his abuse the other night, and he left. The thing that has confused me is, is he is being really amicable. He’s left me and our kids in his house while he’s moved into his (detail removed by moderator) and said before he left to call if I needed anything and to take care of myself. Now i’m doubting if I’ve done the right thing? Like don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all bad, bad, bad there was just times where he was completely vile towards me and did things like threatened to drive into a wall if I didn’t stop going on, Threatened to hit me if I didn’t turn the light off, Threw things at me, Dug his fists in my thigh and punched me in the thigh when I nearly poked him in the eye- these are the only time he got physical and I’m still really unsure if it’s abuse. He was verbally awful to me a hell of a lot he called me awful things like a r****d, c**t, horrible person etc. I just can’t get my head around the fact that the person I spent (detail removed by moderator) years with and had children with is abusive, I don’t see him in that way and wonder a lot of his reaction was just a normal way someone reacts in an argument and that he didn’t really mean it.

He’s told me he’s booked into the Dr’s (detail removed by moderator) to speak about his anger issues but I feel confused as to if this will change him? He’s always said the issue was me, I suffer from anxiety and depression and he would regularly tell me I was unwell/psycho if I argued or asked me if I was taking my medications etc and I soon started to blame myself for things and still do.

I feel bad as my pushing point to leaving was because I started talking to another man and he is so lovely although I feel hugely insecure when he doesn’t text back etc. I feel like maybe I’ve made a rash decision on our relationship because I someone has been nice to me and has been so lovely to me, although I am also paranoid he could be abusive too ( all my partners have been abusive sadly, including my dad so I just feel that this is normal male behavior?)

I just can’t get my head around, Have I done the right thing for me and the children? Will this guilt fade? Would counselling of worked for us? everything is going round my head at the moment.

[abcxyz]

You have done the right thing …100%. None of the things he did that you mention are ok …don’t doubt how you felt at the time. Trust your instincts and believe in yourself. ..I think you have been really brave … stay strong xx

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Hellothere, this nice, concerned and caring front they put on I am not sure it is genuine. I finished with my ex, his response was openness, respect and decent. I thought hang on a minute, you are never like that. It was a trick to throw me off guard. I think if they are being out of the ordinary, i.e nice, I would not let your guard down and take it with a pinch of salt. Also I wonder if it is deliberatly done to get you second guessing yourself.

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

U totally did right thing, this is just a mind game, my ex used to do loads of performinng acts, pack his bags, say his off, cry as he hugs kids and say this is something that has to happen and he loves them both then add in but this is what u mum wants, only going cause she asked me to otherwise wouldnt leave, they stay polite for while then go back totheir own trick, just wants ut to think u r missing out bynot having him there, and look it works we stagight away start asking oh gosh did i do the right thing? You dont want someone that abuses u in any form

[Author]

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