Finally wanting to live

[Pinkypanther]

Today I have realised that back when he was here it was almost every day I would beg to not wake up in the morning. I use to think that I had some serious mental health issues. Today I sat and thought all these weeks since he’s gone I’ve not once wished I don’t wake up. I’ve not once thought I was going crazy, not only does it feel like a weight has been lifted and I can breath again but I feel like my mental health is pretty good.
Ive realised the only thing that was effecting my mental health was him. I feel free.
I know I’ve still a long way to go and the mental and emotional abuse I have suffered will stick with me for a long long time. Today I smiled and actually ment it…… I’m am taking today as a little win for me.

Sorry to ramble on I just wanted to share my good moment with you all xx

[gettingtired]

Wow.. that’s powerful. It’s wonderful to hear how much lighter you’re feeling without him. They really do drain the life out of us.
Can I ask if you were really scared of being without him before you left? That’s how I feel currently but reading your post makes me wonder if maybe I’d feel similar to what you’re describing. My anxiety is getting so bad lately with how suffocating he’s becoming. Sorry to take the focus from your point.
I’m so glad you’re free 💜

[Pinkypanther]

In all honesty I’m not even sure. I didn’t even really realise what was going on. My children got taken on a temporary care due to an accusation one made against him. It was only after that I took a proper look at my life and our relationship and started see how wrong everything was. Then things the children and friends had told the social workers, it all added up and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so stupid for not realising what had been happening for believing the things he said making me feel it was all my fault.
When I ended it and made him leave there was no fear of being without him as I had hit rock bottom and all I could feel was hate for him and myself. I had to get out so I could fix myself and get my kids home. And that’s what I intend to do I’m fixing myself so they can come back to me

Don’t be scared to be without him I promise you it will be the best thing you have ever done. It will be hard at first but you will get stronger and stronger xx

[Anonymous]

So lovely to hear.You should be so proud of of you for getting out.

[soxy]

Hey Pinkypanther, thank you for sharing your positive moment that is so encouraging and well done for being brave. I’m so pleased you were happy to wake up. Keep going, you’re doing amazing and it will be wonderful to get your kiddos back home with you where they belong.

I agree they are draining, so thank you for showing the positive moments! All the best in your journey and keep us updated xx

[Pinkypanther]

Thank you for your reply. I feel stronger each day. Don’t get me wrong I do have bad days but I think that’s more because of not having my children with me at the moment. I know I need to keep being strong and getting myself sorted so that I can prove I am fit to look after my children.
Everyone involved is telling me I’m doing well and it’s all looking positive. I’m hoping for the best but these things do take time. Xx

[Tryingtofindhope]

This made me cry! I cant just feel the relief coming from your words. I hope so much that you continue to feel this way and just get stronger every day xx

[Pinkypanther]

Thank you for your reply. I hope so to, the only way is up things will get better from here on out xx

[Tryingtofindhope]

Can feel*

[KIP.]

I can totally relate to not wanting to wake up in the morning. To do from one dark thought to the next. Now it’s one positive thought to the next. Abuse robs us of so much, stunts our grown, robs us of our memory and our future. The longer you’re abused the longer it takes to recover. Good riddance to bad rubbish x

[Pinkypanther]

Thank you for your reply. Today I went out and bought new clothes ok not brand new just from the charity shop but completely different clothes to what he wanted me to wear, I’m not sure if they are quite Mt style but I’m going to give it a go and see what I think…. I am starting to find me again. I’m taking that as another positive xx

[gettingtired]

Who cares if they’re not brand new, you can get some fabulous stuff second hand and it’s better for the planet 🙂 Plus it means you can affordably sample different looks to find out what you want to wear for YOU and no one else 🙂
It’s great to hear that you’re starting to find ‘you’ again. Positive stories on here mean just as much because it gives others hope too. Keep shining x*x

[nbumblebee]

Your post made me cry well done you.
Its just so amazing to hear these stories of how youve been so strong so determined and have left.
I can only wish for this, every day I wake up with a feeling of utter dread each time he comes home each time he drinks each time I say No I wish I werent here. But each day I try and remind myself that I will get stronger and I will get theough this thank you for sharing such a lovley lost. Xx

[Pinkypanther]

You will get there, stay strong lovely. There is always someone to talk to here. This forum has helped me so much in the little time I have been a member xx

[Eggshells]

This is lovely to read Pinkypanther. It’s so lovely to hear stories like this. For women who are scared to leave, it shows the benefits to be gained.

I’m also feeling pretty happy these days. I’m so glad I left.

I love that you’re trying new clothes – all part of the voyage of discovery that follows abuse.

[Pinkypanther]

Thanks. I’m just trying to find me again rather than who he wanted me to be
I’m so happy that you are feeling happy to.
I still have my bad days but they are way outnumbered by the good xx

[Watersprite]

💕 I love this!! Celebrate you x

[Bettertimesahead]

Pinky panther, so pleased for you. I also did the clothes thing, a whole load of really awful stuff went in the bin almost straight away, it made me feel sick, later even normal clothes associated with him had to go. Charity shops are my favourite places now 😃

[Author]

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