financial abuse / emotional maybe ?

[Sammykins]

Hi all,

I’ve been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) years we have one son together who is (detail removed by moderator)

I’ve been struggling with him lately and I’m not sure if what has happened is some kind of abuse or maybe his a not a great partner..

* I’ve had issues with his family before and we all had a big talk where I had feelings of anxiety and I told him I just wanted to have my back .. but he was quite cold to me he didn’t hold my hand embrace me, I had to all the talking after the meeting he told me(detail removed by moderator)

* I recently started working full time again I get paid monthly.. the first pay I got was (detail removed)and my partner had spent (detail removed) on betting in one day .. he did not ask to spend it and his response was “ yeah don’t worry I won’t do it it’s not worth it “ he told me that his doubled the money but I’m yet to see the money in our account

* whenever I spend anything he makes it a big a deal (detail removed)

* I had two days off work this week because my sister is down from interstate (detail removed)
* when I went wedding dress shopping he sent me photos of a (detail removed)

* when I have tried to leave previously his taken the car off me and our son .. he says I pay for the car, phone it’s all mine you can go away … he makes feel like I would have nothing without him and I wouldn’t be able to have my son

* He tells me the words the come out of my mouth makes him want to hurt himself .. and his told me that when his ex broke up with him he had self harmed

(detail removed by moderator)

* he makes it seem like I’m able to go out whenever I want but make me feel bad . Or will say you didn’t tell you were doing this

* he sometimes goes out at night to fill up his car which takes two hours

* previously to this he was messaging a friend he went to school (she had a drug problem and apparently wanted her advice I have never met her ) he messaged her saying “ you don’t live far maybe I should come over and make you laugh then go home

I’m not sure what I’m feeling I’m abit numb it all it .. his great dad I can’t fault him but as a partner I don’t feel supported

[Headspinning]

He certainly sounds abusive to me. Definetely not respectful of your feelings and double standards galore.
My husband never minded me going out either – of course he didn’t……yet every time I did there was some argument beforehand that would ensure I spent the night out but upset. Not that it was ever deliberate of course….!

It sounds like he is emotionally blackmailing you into staying with him. I have had the tears and snotty nose routine too as a way of making me feel sorry for mine too.

If your gut is telling you it’s abuse then it probably is. Try reading “why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft – it’s helped a lot of people understand the mindset and games.

I’m worried about the wedding dress shopping – is it for you? I got married in spite of my reservations thinking it may calm things down. It didn’t. I’m now looking at the financial impact of separation. Please look into this before you get married – you could be risking your pension pot, home, a lot if it doesn’t work out. Are you entering the marriage (if it’s a dress for you) on equal financial footing? Just look into that side and know the implications!

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